TORN BETWEEN TWO LOVES

E. B. White: “If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. That makes it hard to plan the day.” It surely does, does it not?

It does because these two desires are all too often, if not polar opposites, certainly contradictory. When we enjoy what the world has to offer, we do not necessarily improve the world, make it better for everyone. In fact, in our enjoyment of the world we often do more harm than good. That is not a political observation but a proven and scientific fact. In our enjoyment of Mother Nature we have often destroyed much of what She has to offer for our enjoyment.

On the other hand, working to improve the world does not necessarily bring with it much joy. It takes hard work to clean streams, purify the environment and eradicate poverty and it takes even more in the way of personal sacrifice. As White suggests, working to improve the world takes work on a personal level, which means sacrifice, which means living with less. Less may indeed be more and, in fact, it truly is. But once we have gotten used to more, it is neither easy nor pleasurable to try to live with less. It is often a real pain.

Environmental issues aside, so it often seems with all of life, especially our lives as Christians.: it can be and often is a real pain. God created this world for our enjoyment and pleasure. God gave it to us to take care of and use well, certainly not to misuse or abuse. God also gave us the life we have, our personal lives, to enjoy. God did not create us to live in pain, to suffer and be miserable. Yet, often the pain and suffering that comes our way is the direct result of abusing or misusing the very life we have: our bodies, our minds, our beings.

We are torn between work and play. We would love to make our work into play, or at least come to the point where we really enjoy what we are doing. On the other hand we never have the desire to make our play into some form of work. Likewise, doing good is always pleasurable but it is also often painful, sometimes physically painful. We are often torn between doing a good deed that involves some pain, and not doing it in order to save ourselves the physical pain involved. Think Jesus on the cross.

Loving who we are, loving our vocation, our calling, makes the living out of that calling enjoyable even when it is difficult and painful. But not always; and that is the crux of the problem. That is, as the word crux means, the cross we choose to bear. If we could plan our day, we would love to make sure that all we say and do builds up and does not tear down. If we could remove any pain and suffering involved, we would love to do that as well. But we can do neither, not totally, and, given our sinfulness, not always. And so we rise in the morning knowing, as we plan our day, there will be crosses to bear, choices to be made, and that often we will be torn between two loves. That may not be a pleasant thought but it is also the truth from which we cannot run.