IN COMPARISON TO WHAT?

My wife tells me I am wonderful. Those are wonderful words to hear. The other night as we were falling off to sleep, she told me again that I was wonderful. My first thought, at least at that moment, was to say, “In comparison to what?” But being the wise man I sometimes am, I shut my mouth and cuddled up to her even closer. That was not the right time for any philosophical discussion about what she meant. I knew what she meant.

But the truth is the question can still be asked, perhaps should be asked. We all make value judgments about people and places and things. We make value judgments about how people think and act and respond, about what they said or did not say, or what they did or should have done. We make them instinctively and automatically. That is natural and expected given who we are as rational beings.

But what do we use as a guide when making such value statements such as, “You are wonderful” or “That was foolish” or “This feels great” or “That was a mistake”? Wonderful compared to what? Foolish compared to what? Great compared to what? Mistake compared to what? Who sets the parameters for judging? Who sets the tone? Is what is wonderful for one person merely mundane for another? Is what is wise for one, foolishness for another? Is what is great for one, merely so-so for another? Is what is right for one person, wrong for another?

Is there a moral arbiter, a consensus determiner, out there who can help us measure our emotions and keep us on the right track when it comes to knowing good from bad, right from wrong, foolish from wise? Even more importantly, do we wish there were? Do we want someone else to determine for us how we should feel or think or react?

Life certainly would be simpler if there were such a guide or guidelines or both. Then when my wife tells me how wonderful I am, both of us would know exactly what she means. Then when I make a fool of myself – as I would do were I to ask her what she means – I would then know just how foolish I was, or would become dare I ask such a foolish question in the first place. Guides and guidelines would prevent much of the messiness of daily life.

But life is lived in messiness. Life is lived not knowing what everything and everyone means. Life is lived in the discovery of what “wonderful” and “foolish” and “great” and “mistake” all mean. Were it otherwise, we would not call it “life” but rather something less than being fully alive and fully human. The temptation is always to dissect, define and delineate; and we often succumb to those temptations, often to our later regret.

That is not to say there are no guidelines or guides. Jesus’ words and actions certainly hang over everything we say or do. Yet we are not Jesus. We are who we are: wonderful, foolish, doers of great deeds and mistake prone as well. Come judgement day we will not be judged as to how well we compared to Jesus, but how well we lived our life as a disciple of Jesus. It’s messier that way, but it also happens to be God’s way, which is certainly some consolation when we get into trouble because we asked a foolish question.