THERE ARE STRINGS ATTACHED

Over the years we all have been offered something with what the giver calls "no strings attached". The point the giver is trying to make is that if we accept their gift, there will be nothing expected from us in return. Of course, there is that cynic inside us that does not believe it for a minute. There is no such thing as a free lunch, we say to ourselves. Everything, it seems, comes with some kind of string attached.

Sometimes in our cynicism we believe that gifts even from loved ones come with strings attached, strings that can seem like ropes trying us to the gift giver. We are expected to give a gift in return. The more this give-and-give back continues, the stronger the string becomes. It is part and parcel of our relationship with the one or ones to whom we have bound ourselves and who have bound themselves to us. It is life-giving and life-receiving for both. Neither would willingly let go of the string because each holds on for dear life, truly dear life. Sometimes it is only broken by death.

The same is true for any relationship we have, not just those that are one-to-one, friend-to-friend, spouse-to-spouse, lover-to-lover. It extends to parent to children, teacher to student, member of a community to a member of the community -- and vice versa in each of these instances. That invisible string that is often made manifest by visible gift-giving is the commitment each of us has to the other to do whatever it takes to make that relationship not only last but to grow even stronger.  But before any of that can happen, we need to be aware that such relationships do come with strings attached and that we welcome and accept those strings with every fiber of our being. That is not always easy to do.

We have all had those strings broken by the other and we have broken them ourselves. It has almost always, if not always, been a painful experience. It has been painful because both partners have expended much time and energy and love to make the relationship work even if the relationship was never meant to be life long, even if we knew it would be temporary when we first entered into it.

As a parish priest it has always been painful to break the strings of my relationships with the people I was called to serve even though I knew and they knew this relationship would not last forever or, perhaps, even for very long. But for however long it was going top last, and, again, none of us knew how long that would be when we entered into it, we grabbed the string and held on for as long as we could, each doing what we needed to do to keep it as strong as we could for as long as we could. And then when it came time to break the string and for us to separate, it was painful, but it was pain tempered by loving and lasting memories.

In the end, when the strings are broken because of circumstances in our control or out of our control, all we can hope for is that the pain that comes when the string is cut is softened by the love that still remains. In this life strings are always attached in any voluntary relationship. That is good and it is good for us and so we must do all we can to keep the string strong.

PLACING ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF ANOTHER

We all have those days, days when we just don't want to get out of bed and don't really know why we don't. We just don't. But in spite of it all, we do. We dig ourselves out from under the all-so-comfortable covers, stand up on our feet, put one foot in front of the next and head off to the shower hoping that simple movement will get us moving for the day. It usually does, does it not?

Most of the time just taking that first step, as difficult as it sometimes is, and it truly is often difficult to do so, is enough. We simply need to get started on the day. But there are indeed days when even taking that first step, let alone simply crawling out from underneath the covers, almost seems to be an impossibility. All we want to do is drag the covers over our head and go back to sleep and then, when we re-awake, hope to find the energy and the desire to get out of bed and get going.

Yes, there are truly times in our lives when a good night's sleep just is not enough. We are still physically drained when the alarm clock goes off and we do need to get a little more shuteye.  The real issue, however, are those times when we truly have no desire to get out of bed. We're not tired from over work or over exertion. We had a good night's sleep. Tossing off the covers, getting out of bed and beginning the day is not the issue. The issue is the lack of desire to simply do so. If asked why we feel that way, we would have no answer other than, "That's just the way I feel. Period."

A kind and loving questioner would respond, "Welcome to the club. Been there, done that myself." That response may not be any consolation at that moment because logic does not trump how we feel. It does not matter at that moment that we know everyone feels as we do at times. We just don't like that feeling, can't understand why we feel the way we do, and no amount of sane advice or logical explanations will make us feel better. We feel the way we feel and that is that!

Feelings aside, knowing that countless others at that moment are feeling the way we do, are struggling like us to get out of their beds, nevertheless, we know we have to get out of bed. We and they really have no choice. Together we will begin our day by placing one foot in front of another, hoping, trusting, even praying that the effort will get easier as the day wears on and soon will almost seem effortless, or almost so.

This is a faith issue, is it not? We believe that God created us for a purpose and that purpose was not to hide under the covers when we do not feel like facing the day ahead. We believe that God will give us whatever grace, whatever strength we need to toss off the covers, even if it takes a ton of effort, sit up, place our feet on the floor, and then place one foot in front of another as we head off to start the day. And we believe God will continue supplying that same grace and strength throughout the day.

The only thing God will not do for us is take that first step. That step is up to us. After that God will walk with us every step of the way as God always does. Sometimes that is all we need to remember in order to take that first step.

THE KEY TO SUCCESS

Every one of us wants to be successful, whatever “success” means because it means different things to different people as we each have our own definition of that word. One of our daughters wants to climb the corporate ladder. If she continues to do so, will she consider herself successful when her career ends? My question to her would be “How far up the ladder do you have to go to consider yourself to be successful?”

She could ask the same question of me. Now that I am on the verge of fully retiring (which my wife says is an impossibility), do I think I have been successful in my vocation or have I failed because I did not become a bishop? That would be an honest question for her to ask?

To each his/her own because our goals in life have to be ours and not those of someone else even those who love us the most. My daughters’ goals have to be their goals. They are who they are and I cannot ask them to be what I might want them to be but can only ask of them to be what they truly want to be. Too many children are weighed down by the burdens their parents impose on them.

Thus, the question that lurks in the minds of each of us as we grow up is “What is the key to success?” We want to find that key that will open that door that will lead us to a successful life, however we personally define what that is. We believe that if we can find that key – a Harvard education, the job offer of our dreams, whatever – it will unlock that door and life will be wonderful.

What my daughters will discover and what I have learned is what my comic friend Frank learned. He says to Ernest, “I spent years looking for the key to success – and then found out it’s a combination lock.” It certainly is! There is no one key to success; there are many: the right education, the right job, being in the right place at the right time, and so forth. No one thing will make us successful. It is a combination of many things.

However, there is one essential ingredient, I think, that must be ours if we want to have any chance of living a successful and fulfilling life. That essential ingredient is our faith. Our faith in God is what allows us to put whatever happens to us into a proper perspective. It helps us make sense out of what at the moment seems nonsense.

It is our faith that grounds us in this life. It is or faith that keeps us humble when we achieve success beyond our wildest dreams. And it is our faith that holds us up, even picks us up, when our dreams do not materialize or come crashing down on us through no fault of our own or even and especially because of our foolishness, however we would define that foolishness.

Our faith reminds us that some doors are locked to us and we will never find the keys. What is behind those doors is not who we are and not who God created us to be and that is okay. Our faith also reminds us that the doors we found the keys to open were the same doors others wanted to enter but did not have the keys. To each his/her own.

LEISURE

Many years ago I had to write an essay for a college English class in “The Quintessence of America.” Before I could even begin to write, I had to open my dictionary to learn the meaning of quintessence. I had never heard that word before. It means the “purist and most perfect form, manifestation, type, or embodiment (of a quality, etc.)”. I have no memory of what I deemed to be the quintessence of America.

What I do remember is the class when my professor returned our essays and commented on each as he was wont to do. When he finished commenting, he, thankfully, told us what he believed to be the answer to the essay question. It was a one-word response: “Calvinism”. The longer version is called “The Protestant Work Ethic.” He even admitted that in a Rodman Catholic seminary where I happened to be studying at that time, that ethic ruled our lives. In many ways it still does, mainly for the better, but not always so.

One of the main reasons why our country as a country has been and still is so great is that our work force is unconsciously ruled by that ethic translated into “an honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay.” Yet it is more than that, and that is the downside of that ethic. We are also told that “an idle mind is the devil’s workshop”. Thus, we should keep our hands to the grind wheel, be busy all the time. The corollary is that pleasure of almost any kind, if not every kind, is somehow somewhat bad and, thus, sinful. That almost but not quite means that even any form of leisure is somehow sinful. We may not believe that but, we in this country, often act that way.

Think about it: most people in what are called “Western” nations take six- to eight-week vacations, find time in the afternoon to relax and rest (called “siestas”), arrive at work later than we do and leave earlier. We work overtime and on weekends, take our laptops on vacation, are always connected to our cell phones and often do not take the vacation days allotted to us. The Protest Work Ethic rules and we allow it to rule, and, again, not for the better much of the time.

Several years later in my seminary education, when I was studying theology over 45 years ago, several daring theologians began writing articles on the theology of leisure. Imagine that: there might be a theological justification for leisure, for pleasure, justification that God would not oppose but would actually sanction! An idle mind may be the devil’s workshop; but a mind and a life that never rests or relaxes is even worse. Is it any wonder so many are so stressed out and then wind up doing harm to themselves, to their loved ones and to those around them?

We are now into the traditional vacation season of the year, a time when we are to vacate our minds and bodies and rest. That time is given to us for our benefit, for our health and well-being. If we allow that ethic that seems to control our lives to continue to do so, we will not make time for rest and leisure and we will be the worse for it and, again, so will all those who are part of our lives, wherever they are a part. The Creation Story at the beginning of the Bible reminds us that God took a day off at the end of his work. God rested. Why should we be any different?