FAITH, SIN, REDEMPTION, ATONEMENT

Any Confirmation class will have to deal with four theological terms: faith, sin, redemption and atonement, what they mean and how they affect me and my life. Although those words can be abstract in their definition, they have to be made alive if they are to have any real meaning at all. Definitions are definitions and no more and the words they describe aren’t fully described: like faith, sin, redemption and atonement.

To wit: Faith: unquestioning religious belief. Sin: deliberately breaking of a divine or moral law. Redemption: being delivered from sin and damnation. Atonement: making amends. Since those are very simple definitions right out of the Oxford Desk Dictionary, one has to take them with a slight grain of salt. They define but do not delineate, which is what we are to be about as Christians.

If we are to take each as defined, then no one of us is a person of complete faith. We all have our doubts simply because faith is not knowledge. Faith seeks to understand what it does not know and may never know. It allows for questions, demands questions. We believe in God, believe there is a God, but have a million questions about God and to God and are okay with that, and, thankfully, so is God. We are questioning believers.

We are also all sinners. We deliberately do what we know we should not do, what is selfish and sinful; and we deliberately do not do what we know we should do, what is loving and caring. No sin is accidental. Every sin is done with the knowledge that what we are doing or should be doing is wrong. When we sin, we are not being faithful to what we believe and in Whom we believe.

And yet because we believe God loves us totally, God forgives us. God saves us not only from eternal damnation (hell) but from a living hell. We know from experience that our sins eventually come back to haunt us and put us through our own form of hell from which there is no escape, much as we thought there might be when we first sinned. The saving grace is God’s gracious forgiveness.

What is left for us is to try as best we can to make amends for what we have done or left undone. We cannot undo what we did or do what we should have done, but we can and should ask for forgiveness. When we have actually done that, the experience was hell. Asking for forgiveness when we have deliberately hurt another, especially one we truly love, is one of the hardest things we ever have to do.

What we learn in Confirmation class is living out our faith is not easy. That is why our church community is so important in our life of faith. We cannot and do not live this life alone. We need the love and support of one another to remain faithful, sin less, endure the pain our sins have caused to the ones we hurt and to ourselves, and have the grace and strength to ask for forgiveness when necessary. May we always do so.

THE CROSS IS A REMINDER

Dorothy Gilman in Mrs. Pollifax and the Hong Cong Buddha: “If living is a process, then how does one arrive anywhere except by…painful process?” The answer is that one does not. Life is a journey and often a painful journey from which there is no escape and no exception. Each and every human being suffers along the way, somehow in some way.

Granted, we do all that we can to avoid suffering. We go on diets, get enough exercise, take time for rest and relaxation, avoid stress as much as possible most of the time, or at least we wish it were most of the time. But not always and it is when we are lax in taking care of ourselves, we suffer and then have no one to blame but ourselves for our lack of diligence and intention.

Yet, no matter how hard we work at keeping healthy, there is no escape from pain and suffering: physical, mental and spiritual. None. We know that and we reluctantly admit that truth. But we also know that in hindsight, if we take the time to reflect back our pain and suffering, that we have grown from that suffering. We are a different person, one we would not be had we not suffered.

That is not to say that we welcome suffering in order to grow. That’s foolish and only a fool suffers without a reason – like going on a diet and getting enough exercise in order to live a better and healthier life. Yet, even in that kind of suffering we learn the value of a proper diet and a proper lifestyle, or at least we can and should. If you’re like me, even those hard learned lessons can be easily forgotten as the weight goes back on.

Nevertheless, Gilman’s observation still holds: we usually learn nothing or very little from the good times. We simply enjoy them and are thankful, as we should do and be. It is when those crosses come into our lives that we need to be primed for a learning experience, but only afterwards. While we are in pain, we have enough on our platter just to deal with it as best we can. It is only afterwards that we are able to reflect on what we have learned and how we have grown from what we just went through.

What we have learned, for starters, is that we were not alone. More often than not others have been with us as we struggled. They supported us and helped us through. And even in those times when we thought we were all alone with no one around to hold our hand (or keep us from eating the wrong foods), we were not. We knew they were with is in thought and prayer.

What we also knew is what the cross is a reminder of, namely that God knows what we are going through and God will help us get through even if the pain and suffering are not removed. I think that perhaps one of the reasons why God allows us to suffer is that God knows, and we should know from hindsight, is that that is the only way we will grow. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately for us humans, we should be thankful.

LIVING WITH REGRETS

Sometimes I think sins of omission are worse than sins of commission. Sins of commission are deliberate: we know what we are saying or doing is wrong, is sinful, but we go ahead and sins anyway. We cannot undo the deed or take back the words. We can try to atone for our sin, and should, but there it is and then we have to live for the rest of our lives with whatever harm we did. That can be and sometimes is very painful, but we brought that pain upon ourselves.

Sins of commission have a double whammy: we have deliberately hurt another and, once we realize the pain we have caused, feel the personal pain that is now ours because of what we have done. Sins of omission, on the other hand, may not be as painful because we did not deliberately harm someone else but we have, in truth, hurt ourselves. We have to live with the regret that we could have done something, should have done something, or could have done more but did not. 

For example: several years ago Arlena and I were on our way home from somewhere in the South and had to stop for the night at a motel. We were surprised at how inexpensive it was. We checked in, put our suitcases in our room and headed across the parking lot to a restaurant for dinner. On the way over a gentleman stopped us and asked if we could help. He and his wife were on their way home from his treatment at a VA hospital. He still had a shunt line in his arm for further treatments. They were both exhausted and really needed a night’s sleep but did not have the funds to do that, so could we help with gas money. We gave them $20 and headed to the restaurant and they headed to their car. 

It was only after we settled in that we both realized that we could have paid for their night’s stay. We were abundantly[w1]  blessed. After all we could afford the trip. So why did it not cross either of our minds to offer to pay for their stay at the motel? I do not know the answer. What I do know is that I am haunted by that thought still today. No. It was not a sin of omission nor any sin at all. What it was and still is is a reminder that I need to be more attentive to the needs of others than I sometimes am. 

There are times in hindsight when things left undone, or not done better than they could have been, can be just as painful as things we have said and done that we knew were wrong from the outset. We have to live with regrets on both counts and that is good. It means that we are honest with ourselves. It does not mean, unfortunately, that we will never sin again and that we will always be attentive to what is going on around us or to the needs of others when confronted with those needs. 

Thankfully I am not obsessed with that incident years ago but, thankfully, I am reminded of it on now and then. As with my sins of commission I cannot go back and do a re-do. I can only live with my regrets for things done and undone and try to be more aware every day of the importance to others and to myself of what I say and do. 

 [w1]

YOU IN ME AND I IN YOU

For whatever reason, and I will leave that to the psychologists of which I do not even pretend to be one, there are times in our lives when we think we can go it alone, that we don’t need anyone, thank you, and then go it alone. We may even get away with it for a while; but sooner or later we come to our senses and realize, however begrudgingly, that we need others to be who we are, to fulfill the role, whatever it is, that God carved out for us in this life.

We need others not only to support us in this life but also to be a part of us in this life, part of our very being. This is so true in marriage. There comes a time in married life, at least hopefully so, when the two act alike, know what the other is thinking, ready to say exactly what is already coming out of the other’s mouth: you in me and I in you. When that relationship occurs, it is a blessing.

Such relationships, whether in marriage or in other types, don’t happen by accident. They take work. That takes being willing to let go of whatever it is that won’t allow us to open up to the other. That can be frightening, this opening up to another. It makes us vulnerable and the last thing we want is to be vulnerable. We want to be in control of our lives and not be controlled by another.

That, I suspect, is human nature. But it is also human nature to want to be needed, to be loved, to be cared for and to care for. And that can only take place when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, to allow another to be part of us and to allow ourselves to be a part of another. That is not easy especially if we tried it and then were betrayed by the other person.

I suspect that we’ve all been there at one time or another in our lives. Then when the next opportunity arises when we are in a place to be open to another, we hold back, afraid to be betrayed again. But somewhere deep inside we know we have to take the chance to be vulnerable again or else we will not be able to move on. We will be stuck and we will miss out on so much of what life has to offer us.

Marriage is one, maybe the only relationship where the two truly become one. But there are many other relationships that allow us to be one with another and the other to be one in us. Those are also special relationships. Yet any relationship demands that we give at least some part of ourselves to the other and the other does the same or else there is no real relationship.

It is easy to forget how important relationships are and also how difficult it is to give of ourselves to another. But when we think about those relationships, we should also pause and give thanks for them and for the grace given to allow ourselves to be one in an other and the other to be one is us.