BATTERIES AND GLUE

As we grow older, we cannot do some of the things we used to do as well as we used to do them nor as fast. And sometimes we cannot do them at all. That truth is often very difficult to accept especially when our mind tells us that we are really not as old as we are and, thus, should be able to do whatever we want. As my Mom got older and older, she used to look into the bathroom mirror and ask herself, “Who is that old lady looking at me.” And then she just laughed.

Arlena’s Mom, ninety-five and still going strong, readily admits that she no longer can do what she once did. She has a pacemaker to keep the heart steady. Several weeks ago she had to have a tooth removed to get at a bad abscess. After the procedure was completed, the orthodontist handed her the tooth he removed and told it to take it to her dentist who would glue it back in place. She did and he did. Now she tells us that she runs on batteries and is kept together by glue.

As our Moms continually remind us both from the grave (my Mom) and from the kitchen table (Arlena’s Mom), if you do not have a sense of humor as you grow older, aging is going to be rough going. Sometimes all you can do is smile amidst the pain as you struggle to get up from that table after sitting there a little too long. But as they say, struggling to get up from the table is better than the alternative.

Aging is never easy. I have two artificial hips, the first of which had to be replaced because it was defective. I am no longer allowed to go out for a jog. Of course, I have never in my life been tempted to do such a silly thing even when in my younger days I jogged a few 20 K races, which were really endurances and not races. The first 20 K I entered the winner was crossing the finish line as I crossed the half-way mark.

See what I mean? Sometimes we are the cause of the need for batteries and glue, for artificial hips and knees, and sometimes it is just the process of getting older. All those aches and pains are a reminder that sooner or later there will be no more aches and pains as my Mom now experiences. In the meantime, as we grow older, our lives have to slow down because our bodies force them to.

It is the process of growing older gracefully and gratefully. Not being able to do what we once did allows us now to do things we can do and never did or certainly did not do as we now do. I, for one, am grateful for that and am graced to be able to do what I can do even if I am limited in one way or another.

Whether it is batteries and glue, prosthetic hips, false teeth, a cane or walker or simply the aches and pains of a well-used body that keeps us together and slows us down, life is still worth living. We all, no matter how old or how young, no matter in peak physical condition or slowed to a crawl, we still have a lot to give and a lot to live for.

DIRT ROADS

Years ago the late M. Scott Peck reminded us in his great book The Road Less Traveled that life is difficult and that the way to make it through this life is that sometimes we have to take a road we would rather not take because it is too bumpy and fraught with obstacles along the way we would rather avoid. And, as he pointed out, we often take the easier road because, well, it is easier at the moment.

What we discover in the long run is that if we had taken the less-traveled road in the first place, as difficult as it seemed and perhaps was at the time, our life in the present would be so much better. Why? Because we are now dealing with the issues we would have encountered earlier and would be in our past but are now facing us. What may be even worse is that they are even more difficult to face because over time they have become more convoluted than when they first arose.

I was reminded about Peck’s advice, nay, warning, the other day when I say a t-shirt with these words: “Of all the paths you take in life, make some dirt.” In other words, deliberately take the less-traveled road, take the road that is a little bumpy and perhaps even dangerous. Put the GPS and maps away and see where the road leads. Take the hard way and not the easy one.

That, of course, goes against our normal inclination. Why on the world would we want to make our life even more difficult than it is at the moment? If anything, we want to find ways to make it easier, travel roads that are shorter and safer. Only a fool wants to add pain and suffering when one does not have to. Yet, the truth is that we only learn and we only grow as a person through pain and suffering.

When life is going well, we take life for granted. But when unexpected and perhaps even undeserved pain and suffering enter in, we are forced to face life from a different perspective. If we have never struggled, if we have never forced ourselves to struggle, working our way through that pain will be more difficult than it should be had we learned how to deal with the innate difficulties of life.

Athletes, for instance, put themselves through hours and hours of physical pain in order for their bodies to be prepared for when the game is on the line and something extra will be demanded of them. In the same way, we have to prepare ourselves mentally and physically when life demands more of us that we are used to. We have to be ready for those difficulties Peck reminds us about.

None of this is to say that we always need to take those dirt roads. That would be foolish because we also need to take roads that will allow us to be refreshed and renewed. It is simply a reminder that those dirt roads come into view for a reason. “Of all the paths you take in life, make some dirt,” is good advice and well worth implementing.

HOPE: THE GREATEST OF THESE

Whenever Arlena and I are visiting her Mom, we try to take a walk around the Belpre Park as often as possible. During the Christmas season the city erects a wonder lighting display. On the hill above the walking track they place three signs: faith, love and hope. The last time we walked the track all the decorations were taken down except the “hope” sign. Was it a message? I think so.

Yes, I realize that Paul tells us in his great salute to love that of the three – faith, hope and love – love is the greatest. And he is right, to a degree. If God is Love, and we believe God is, then if we can attain the love that is God, then we have attained perfection. But we have not and never will. All we can do is hope that in this life we can get close to loving as God loves. Yes, at times, we truly love with all our heart and mind and strength, but not always and not usually.

Then there is faith. In Hebrews we read (11:1) that “Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” And, of course, it is. And, of course, we don’t have such a faith. We only hope we do. Yes, like love, there are times when we have great faith, faith almost enough to move a mountain, but we almost always fall short, especially when it comes to moving that mountain.

That is why I think hope is the greatest of the three. If we lose hope, we are truly lost. If a baseball team goes into a game feeling they have no hope of winning, they will definitely lose. They have to have enough faith in themselves to believe that if they step out onto the field, they will win no matter what the odds are against them in doing so. Hope gives strength to our faith and without hope, faith is lost.

The same is true for love. Hope allows us to hold on and not give up, having faith that our love will somehow in some way someday be returned. But if we are hopelessly in love with another, we believe we have no chance of that love being reciprocated and it won’t be. Hope begins inside us. Without hope love is lost.

Hope is what keeps us going day to day when our faith is weak, faith in others and faith in ourselves. Hope is what keeps us going each day when we feel unloved and alone, even if or when we somehow feel unloved by God. If hope is lost, all else is lost in the process. That is why we need to remind ourselves that we call hope, along with faith and love, the heavenly virtues, meaning they come from God.

What does that mean? It means that God will never allow us to become completely faithless or loveless or hopeless. Thus, to my point, it is hope that keeps us going when we have doubts about our faith and feel unloved or unlovable. That is why I believe that of the three – faith, hope and love – hope is the greatest. I hope the city never takes down that sign. It is a constant reminder of the importance of hope in our lives.

FIVE THINGS YOU CAN’T RECOVER IN LIFE

Somewhere I came across a wise bit of advice in which I was reminded that there are five things we cannot recover once we’ve said or done any one of them. Once said, once done, there is no going back in time to undo what we would like to undue. It’s too late for that and all we can do is mourn our failing and rue our foolishness.

What are those five things? First, we cannot recover a stone after it is tossed. How often have we thrown stones at others believing, for instance, that they were guilty of something, and then learned to our embarrassment that they were innocent? We should never be the one to throw the first stone and, more often than not, should not throw any stones at all. For, if the truth were known, if stones were tossed only at the guilty, we would be feeling the pain of stones ourselves.

Secondly, we cannot recover a spoken word. Don’t we all know that! Who hasn’t open his or her mouth without first reflecting about what is going to come out of that mouth? We all also know that the old saying about sticks and stones hurting us but not words know that that is a lie. Words hurt and the hurt worse and longer than the pain any stone can inflict.

Thirdly, once we’ve missed the boat, we’ve missed the boat. It’s not going to turn around and come back to pick us up. In other words, we cannot recover an occasion after it has passed. We know that and more often than not we have no one else to blame when we’ve known ahead of time that we were to be somewhere and simply, well, missed the boat.

Fourth, we cannot go back in time, recover time after it is gone. Yesterday is passed and in the past. If we waste the present, it is wasted. That does not mean that we have to be active every waking moment. What it does mean is that when we are given only so much time to do something and waste the time in between, we cannot ask that we be given more time. It is gone.

And finally, and perhaps most importantly, we cannot recover a person after he or she is gone. It’s too late to do what we knew we should have done but did not and now the person has died and we can’t say what we wanted to say. If we’ve thrown a stone we should not have, if we said something that hurt, if we missed an opportunity to be there in support, if we put off doing what we said we would do, if we’ve done any or all of that and the person has died, it’s now too late.

We only go around once. And we know that. So why do we think we will be given another opportunity to take back that stone or that word, to be where we should have been or do what we should have done? Sometimes that opportunity is given to us. But we should not expect it to happen nor should it have to happen.

If we would only be attentive to what we say and do, what things we are called upon to do and places where we should be and people we should see, we would save ourselves much grief. If only!