BACKGROUND AND FOREGROUND

 No two people are alike. We do not think alike, act or react alike, like alike. Each of us is unique, one of a kind. There was no one like us before nor will there ever be one just like us again. Never. While we may have very, very much in common, even sharing many of the same genes, no one of us is exactly alike.

Sometimes we forget that. And even when we remember how different we really are one from another, we usually do not give that fact much thought, especially in those moments when we most should. When we find ourselves in disagreement with another over a matter, be that matter large or small, theological, logical or simply a matter of taste, the main reason why we do not see eye to eye is that our backgrounds are different. Those backgrounds color what we see in the foreground. And it can be no other. We may overcome some of what happened to us as we grew up, but we cannot act as if it were never there. It is still very much a part of us, and always will be.

Our background is made up of many different and varying components. Where we were raised: country, city, small town, metropolis; how much money our family had: ranging from the hovels of poverty to the mansions of wealth or somewhere in between; the amount of formal education we had or did not have; whether we were an only child or had many siblings – all these color our foreground.

Even more: health issues, past or present, bear upon how we act or react, on how we think or what we think. So does our personal experience with other people and other cultures. If we have never left home, we will see reality differently than one who has “seen the world”. Our diet, our physical condition, our sense of humor, the climate in which we live all have an effect on our response to any given situation.

For the most part we are never all that conscious of our background. We know who we are and where we come from and all the rest. But it is back there in our unconsciousness somewhere and not up close and personal whenever we interact with someone else. The same is true for the other. And so when we argue about some point of personal importance, it is important that we understand not only our background but also where the other comes from as well. Until we do, we will never understand the other nor the other us.

What is more important than understanding the other, why the other thinks the way he does, we need to understand why we think and act the way we do. What we will discover is that as unique as we are, we are just as complicated. So much has gone into making us who we are that it is no wonder we often wonder why we do what we do, why we think the way we think, why we react the way we do. If we cannot understand ourselves, why we are the way we are, is it any wonder we cannot understand someone else?

The point is not that we are doomed to disagree or that we will never understand others. It is simply to say that we need to be less judgmental about why another is the way s/he is and ask the other to be the same for us. It will make life so much easier.