YOU IN ME AND I IN YOU

For whatever reason, and I will leave that to the psychologists of which I do not even pretend to be one, there are times in our lives when we think we can go it alone, that we don’t need anyone, thank you, and then go it alone. We may even get away with it for a while; but sooner or later we come to our senses and realize, however begrudgingly, that we need others to be who we are, to fulfill the role, whatever it is, that God carved out for us in this life.

We need others not only to support us in this life but also to be a part of us in this life, part of our very being. This is so true in marriage. There comes a time in married life, at least hopefully so, when the two act alike, know what the other is thinking, ready to say exactly what is already coming out of the other’s mouth: you in me and I in you. When that relationship occurs, it is a blessing.

Such relationships, whether in marriage or in other types, don’t happen by accident. They take work. That takes being willing to let go of whatever it is that won’t allow us to open up to the other. That can be frightening, this opening up to another. It makes us vulnerable and the last thing we want is to be vulnerable. We want to be in control of our lives and not be controlled by another.

That, I suspect, is human nature. But it is also human nature to want to be needed, to be loved, to be cared for and to care for. And that can only take place when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, to allow another to be part of us and to allow ourselves to be a part of another. That is not easy especially if we tried it and then were betrayed by the other person.

I suspect that we’ve all been there at one time or another in our lives. Then when the next opportunity arises when we are in a place to be open to another, we hold back, afraid to be betrayed again. But somewhere deep inside we know we have to take the chance to be vulnerable again or else we will not be able to move on. We will be stuck and we will miss out on so much of what life has to offer us.

Marriage is one, maybe the only relationship where the two truly become one. But there are many other relationships that allow us to be one with another and the other to be one in us. Those are also special relationships. Yet any relationship demands that we give at least some part of ourselves to the other and the other does the same or else there is no real relationship.

It is easy to forget how important relationships are and also how difficult it is to give of ourselves to another. But when we think about those relationships, we should also pause and give thanks for them and for the grace given to allow ourselves to be one in an other and the other to be one is us.