I think it was the philosopher Blaise
Pascal who observed about God that there is too much that we can know about God
to deny God's existence, but too little that we know about God to be sure
enough to believe. If this is true, and I believe it is, then there is a reason
why we all have doubts every now and then.
We can and we do look around and see what
we believe are positive proofs, proofs, of God's existence. Someone greater
than any one of us individually and all of us collectively had to be
responsible for the created universe, we conclude. It just did not come about
after one colossal big bang, no matter how big the bang, nor could it. The
universe is too orderly for everything to be so ordered and still be so
coincidental. It seems so obvious.
But we cannot be sure because we cannot
understand. Oh, we can understand that God did it, that God holds it all
together. But it is the "how" of God that leaves room for doubt. For
doubt arises in minds that cannot understand but yet demand understanding. The
more we want to know about God, the greater the chance that we will doubt God's
existence. The opposite is just as true.
Does that mean it would be best for us to
stop asking questions, faith questions? Probably. The only problem is we can't.
Our hearts may want to rest in God, as St. Augustine prayed, but our minds
never rest. The unquestioning heart says that God loves me. But when bad things
happen to me or to my loved ones, my mind asks how could a loving God do this?
We do not act this way only with God,
however. We do so with one another. Our hearts say that a person loves us. Our
minds may wonder if that person really does after what that person just said or
did to us. There is too much about our relationship with others that prove our
mutual love, but sometimes not enough to hint that the love might not be total
or reciprocal.
Doubt will never go away given our
inability to know or understand everything and everyone. We do not even
understand ourselves, not really. We ask ourselves why we did this or where
that thought came from or how we could say something like that. The truth is,
if we knew the answer to even those questions, we would be God. That fact that
we do not proves we are not. But nothing proves God's existence. So we believe,
so we are left only with belief.
The difference between a believer and one
who refuses to believe is simply that. A believer chooses to live a life of
faith even those whose minds are full of doubt. Those who do not believe in God
refuse to do so because they seemingly cannot live with doubt God’s existence.
Who has the easier road to travel? Does it
really matter? Or does what really matter is that we who believe live fully
into our belief?
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