WHAT WE HAVE IS WHAT IS IMPORTANT

Every morning when I crawl, and I mean “crawl” out of bed, I am reminded that I am getting older, that, in fact, I am old even as I rebel against that thought and truth. Of course, it is better than the alternative. But that is something else both to think about and to give thanks for even as the bones creak and the muscles refuse to relax. Once upon a time, and not too long ago at that, getting out of bed was easy.

As we grow older, we lose much of what we once had both physically and mentally. I can no longer do well what I used to do well. The body simply will not allow it. There are also some abilities I once had that are lost forever. I used to run. Okay, jog. I can no longer do that now that I have two false hips. I cannot reach as high as I once did as I have lost an inch or so as my body succumbs to the realities of aging.

Mentally I am not as sharp as I once was. I am not as quick to recall a name or even remember what I had for breakfast. I want to attribute that not to approaching some form of dementia but to the fact that my brain is like a computer that has no delete function. It is simply getting fuller and fuller each day and, as a result, it takes me longer to retrieve something from all that memory. Works for me!

Growing older means we lose much of what we once had and even what we once were. Many people who are retired seem to lose a sense of worth because they are no longer known for what they did. They greet us with an “I used to be....” But we all used to be something. But that does not mean that we are now nothing. Growing older simply means finding out who we now are right now.

Mitch Albom in The Time Keeper puts the issue very clearly. “We all yearn for what we have lost. But sometimes, we forget what we have.” So true. We cannot get back what we have lost. It is lost. It is gone forever. We live in a fantasy world if we believe we can get it back. There are hucksters out there who are trying to sell us the illusion that we can be what we once were. They have miracle cures and wonderful remedies and the latest equipment to enable us to regain our lost youth or whatever it is that we seem to long for and would like to have back.

But that is a waste of time and certainly a waste of money if we go down that road. And while we are wasting precious time in the present longing for or chasing after that which is lost, as Albom reminds, we forget what we have. What we have is life even if that life is a little slower, bringing with it sore muscles and a different physical shape that we once worked so hard to attain but which is now gone with the wind.

What is important as we grow older, or at any stage of life, is to be aware of what we have right now: those many God-given gifts. And they are many. As I sit at the edge of my bed, dealing with the muscles rebelling against what I want to do next, namely stand up, I need to be thankful that I can stand, that I have a wonderful family who love me and that I am getting up precisely to use those God-given gifts and talents that still remain to see, seek and serve the Jesus I meet in everyone who crosses my path today.

WISDOM

Barbara Brown Taylor in her book An Altar in the World says this about wisdom: “Wisdom is not gained by knowing what is right. Wisdom is gained by practicing what is right, and noticing what happens when that practice succeeds or fails.” She is absolutely right, of course. She is not saying something that we do not know or understand. She is simply noting a truth that we often overlook or take for granted.

As we grow up our parents and teachers try to teach us what is right. They gave us rules and commandments to follow. They told us stories about their own experiences when they had to learn the hard way, the mistakes they made that were painful enough to insure they did not make them again. We listened to what they taught, stored their examples in the back of our minds hoping that, should we ever find ourselves in a similar situation, we would not make the same mistake they did.

Then when we did find ourselves in such a situation, what did we do? Did the lesson that was taught prevent us from making the mistake the teacher recounted? Did the commandment that told us not to do something prevent us from not doing it? Did the rule that was taught guide us to do what was taught when the situation arose to actually follow that rule?

The answer: sometimes yes and sometimes no. As Taylor notes, it was only when we actually did or did not do what we were taught to do that we actually learned the lesson that was taught. It became part of who we are. Knowing what to do and not to do does not make us wise. Wisdom in and of itself is meaningless. Wisdom only becomes meaningful when we put it into practice, when we live it.

As Taylor further notes, we learn both when we follow what we have been taught and when we fail to do so. In fact, I would opine that we learn more from our failures to follow what we have been taught that when we actually do. We learn more from breaking a commandment than from keeping it. That is not to say that we should deliberately break any of the commandments, disobey the rules of the house, so that we can learn what happens when we do. Learning the hard way often teaches us more than simply accepting the truth and following it.

On the other hand, we learn just as much after doing what were told, practicing what we were taught. The point is that we need to be just as attentive in noticing what we have learned in doing what was right as we are certainly attentive in noticing what we have learned when doing what was wrong. Wisdom comes from being attentive to what we have learned in living out what we have been taught.

Wisdom is not so much about book-learning or lessons taught to us by others, Wisdom is about putting into practice what we have been taught and learning from such experiences. We have an obligation to teach what we have learned to those who come after us; yet, like us, they will have to become wise in the same way we have: by practicing or failing to practice what they have been taught.

FATE, PROVIDENCE OR DUMB LUCK

Several weeks ago I had the privilege of officiating at my niece’s wedding. It was a grand and glorious affair if I must say so myself. During my short homily I was reflecting on the fact that almost the first words out of God’s mouth in Genesis is that it is not good for we human beings to be alone and that there is an innate drive in each one of us to find that special someone with whom we can share the rest of our lives – unless we choose otherwise, as do monastics and others.

How we find that person, I said, can be very interesting. Dominique and Quentin, the bride and groom, found each other on a blind date. Q’s parents met in a nightclub. Nique’s parents met at a bar. Nique’s Aunt met her husband walking the family dog. Her brother met his wife in college. Her cousin and her husband were high school sweethearts. Arlena and I met in church.

Was it fate that brought these couples together? Or was it the providence of God or simply dumb luck? I would have never met Arlena if she had not transferred from Good Shepherd in Parkersburg to Trinity in Parkersburg where I was called to be Rector. Would Nique and Q have met had they not gone out on that blind date? Would my sister and Dennis have ever met had there not been a big Saint Bernard that needed walking? What was it that brought all of us together?

Does it really matter expect for the fun it might be, in fact is, in speculating what our lives might now be like had we not been brought together by whatever it was that we believe brought us together? Personally, I have always attributed Arlena’s and my meeting to providence. My brother Fran might conclude that it was dumb luck. The night before Arlena arrived in church I was complaining to Fran that I was tired being alone. His reply: “Don’t worry. She’ll fall out of a tree!”

The point is that it really does not matter how two people meet. What matters is what happens after the meeting takes place. That is true not only when it comes to finding a relationship as in marriage. It is true any time in any place. We can always speculate about what brings people together. Sometimes it is mutual interest. Sometimes it is simply being in the same place at the same time. What is then important is where that relationship goes from there.

There are many, many times in life when the opportunity presents itself for us to meet another, others. Even if it is fate or providence or dumb luck that opens that door for us to walk through to meet and greet, we still have to walk through that door. Someone has to make the first move and sometimes it is mutual. I put the move on Arlena after church. She responded. She could have walked away. I’m thrilled she did not. Again, whatever it is that brings people together is, in the end, unimportant. What is important is what we do once we have come together.

WHO'S WHO: DOES ANYONE CARE?

While visiting, Nany, Arlena’s Mom, last week, I noticed a book on her desk through Readers Digest. It is titled Who’s Who in the Bible. It is an alphabetical list of every person mentioned in both the Old and New Testaments. It begins with Aaron (the brother of Moses) and ends with Zophar (a friend of Job – although calling Zophar a “friend” is a stretch given that what Zophar does is call Job a liar and a sinner because Job won’t admit that his/Job’s sins are the reason why he/Job is suffering so much. But I digress.)

There looks to be at least a thousand names listed in the almost-450-page book. I simply leafed through it, sort of proud of myself that I recognized most of the names even if I could not remember exactly who they were or in what context I would find them. I left the book on the desk even as it was calling out to me to ask      Nanny if I could borrow it so that I could spend some serious time with it.

The men and women whose lives are recorded in that book are my spiritual ancestors or certainly had an influence on that inheritance. Just as it is fun, interesting and even important to learn about one’s physical ancestors, so, too, I think, it is important to learn about those who are the background of our spiritual life even if at a distance of several thousand years.

Yet, my leaving the book on the desk certainly makes it seem as if I really don’t care all that much about all those people, especially given the fact that I am retired and certainly can find the time to spend some time reading and re-learning about them. The even sadder part is that I am not alone in this “I could care less” boat. My suspicion is that most of us, while we think learning about all these spiritual ancestors would be interesting, we have better things to do.

The truth is that we learn as much, if not more, from the past than we do from the present, if – and that is a big “if” – we are willing to make and take the time to do so. Life is a learning process from the day we are born to the day we die. If we can learn from someone else’s successes and failures, we can save ourselves not only a lot of heartache but also a lot of effort that could be of better use to us and to those we love.

As people of faith we should care about those who have gone before, who have much to teach us about how to live and how not to live, about how to be faithful and about what can happen to us when we are not. Yet, as history so often teaches us, we, as a people, seem to be intent on learning not from history, not from the past, but learning the hard way by making our own mistakes. What fools we are!

The next time we visit Nanny I think I will ask to borrow the book. She’ll probably wonder why I would need to read the book, why I would care to read it, as I suspect she assumes I know what’s in it given my vocation. If she only knew!