THE THREE THINGS WE CANNOT CHANGE

There are three things in life that we cannot change. There are probably more.  Actually, they are not “things” either. My old English prof would not allow us to use the word thing in an essay or composition of any sort. He said that every thing was something, a reality, not just some amorphous thing. Okay. That being said, it still can be said that there are three things in life that we cannot change.

The first thing we cannot change is the past. We know that of course. The past is passed. There is nothing that we can do about it except move on. Yet it is often so difficult to move on. We keep going back to the past and telling ourselves that we should have done this and not done that and if we had done or not done this or that, life would be different. Well, of course it would be.

That’s not the point. The point is that what is now is what is. What might have been simply is what might have been, but it is not and cannot be because that is passed and in the past. As long as we live in the past, we cannot move on. And even if we do move on and have moved on, ruing the past will not change the present and will, in fact, keep us from fully living in the present. The past is passed and there is nothing we can do about it but more on and live as fully as we can in the present.

The second thing we cannot change is the truth. Yes, facing the truth often hurts especially when that truth points to our failures, sins and shortcomings; when that truth reminds us that the mess we are in is the result of our own words and actions and that we cannot pass the buck of blame to someone else. But the truth is the truth and facing the truth ultimately sets us free.

The truth reminds us that we cannot change the past. The truth is that what is is the result of the past, both the good and the bad. The truth is that we are who we are because of our past. The truth is that now that we have accepted that the past is passed and that who we are now is the result of our past, we are free to move on and make the present and the future the best it can be given the past.

The third truth is that we cannot change the other person. The maternal instinct that is in each one of us – somewhere in each one of us who is a male – wants to change the bad we see in the other. We want to make that person into what we want that person to be, but we cannot. The only person we can change is ourself. That is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

The way to live in the present is to be in the present and not live in the past, being honest with who we are and why we are the way we are, and doing the best to become a better person. That is not as easy as it sounds or may seem because the past always seems to reach out for our attention, because the truth hurts and because change is difficult.