THE THREE THINGS WE CANNOT CHANGE

There are three things in life that we cannot change. There are probably more.  Actually, they are not “things” either. My old English prof would not allow us to use the word thing in an essay or composition of any sort. He said that every thing was something, a reality, not just some amorphous thing. Okay. That being said, it still can be said that there are three things in life that we cannot change.

The first thing we cannot change is the past. We know that of course. The past is passed. There is nothing that we can do about it except move on. Yet it is often so difficult to move on. We keep going back to the past and telling ourselves that we should have done this and not done that and if we had done or not done this or that, life would be different. Well, of course it would be.

That’s not the point. The point is that what is now is what is. What might have been simply is what might have been, but it is not and cannot be because that is passed and in the past. As long as we live in the past, we cannot move on. And even if we do move on and have moved on, ruing the past will not change the present and will, in fact, keep us from fully living in the present. The past is passed and there is nothing we can do about it but more on and live as fully as we can in the present.

The second thing we cannot change is the truth. Yes, facing the truth often hurts especially when that truth points to our failures, sins and shortcomings; when that truth reminds us that the mess we are in is the result of our own words and actions and that we cannot pass the buck of blame to someone else. But the truth is the truth and facing the truth ultimately sets us free.

The truth reminds us that we cannot change the past. The truth is that what is is the result of the past, both the good and the bad. The truth is that we are who we are because of our past. The truth is that now that we have accepted that the past is passed and that who we are now is the result of our past, we are free to move on and make the present and the future the best it can be given the past.

The third truth is that we cannot change the other person. The maternal instinct that is in each one of us – somewhere in each one of us who is a male – wants to change the bad we see in the other. We want to make that person into what we want that person to be, but we cannot. The only person we can change is ourself. That is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

The way to live in the present is to be in the present and not live in the past, being honest with who we are and why we are the way we are, and doing the best to become a better person. That is not as easy as it sounds or may seem because the past always seems to reach out for our attention, because the truth hurts and because change is difficult.

SIMPLY BEING GRATEFUL IS NOT ENOUGH

Every one of us has so much for which are grateful. We are abundantly blessed even with all the pain and suffering for which no one of is exempt. Life in this world brings each one of us our fair share of suffering and, for some, it seems, more than their fair share. When I compare the pain and suffering I have endured, whether brought on by my own sinfulness and foolishness or brought on because of something out of my control, to that of others, I have been blessed, abundantly blessed. And for that I am grateful.

I am not alone. Yet, it is not enough simply to be grateful for the blessings of this life, blessing which we have not earned, blessing which, if we are blatantly honest about it, we really do not deserve. We know countless others who have been less blessed, suffered more, yet certainly deserve to have received what we have but have not. When we reflect on this, it really is not fair.

Fairness aside, because we are not the ones in charge here, the issue is still that of gratitude for the blessing received. How do we manifest this gratitude? Simply saying “thank you” to God or to anyone who has blessed us in whatever way we have been blessed, all that is only for starters. It does not stop there. Yes, sometimes all we can do is say “thank you”, but most of the time we can and must do more.

So how do we show our gratitude to God for those blessings? We do so in service to others. It is akin to the idea of paying it forward. Someone does something good for us and we do something good for another. We do not always have to return the favor to the one who has blessed us. Sometimes we cannot. All we can do is say our thanks.

That is especially true when it comes to thanking God for the blessings we have received from God. How can we repay God? We can’t. We can only pay it forward in love and service to others, to others who have been less blessed than us. It is truly heartwarming to read about some of the world’s richest people who are giving away billions of dollars to help eradicate disease, poverty and some of the world’s other ills. Good for them.

None of us is in that category. But when we give from our abundance to those in need, when we give of our time and talent to those who cannot do for themselves what we can do for them, when we pray for those whom we cannot help in any way except through prayer, when we do any or all of this, we are showing our gratitude to God for the blessings we have undeservedly received. Good for us?

Well, yes. But we always need to remember that our blessings are truly undeserved, even the ones we believe we have earned by the sweat of our brow. After all, it was God who blessed us with ability and good fortune and whatever else it was that brought those blessings into our lives. The proper way to show our gratitude is to share those blessings by giving of our time and talent and material possessions with those less blessed.

OBSTACLES ON THE WAY

The journey through life, as we all have experienced, is fraught with obstacles all along the way. Life is never, and probably never was meant to be, easy, a piece of cake, as they say. The creation parable certainly makes that quite clear. Once Adam and Eve were booted out of the Garden of Eden, they and all their descendants – us – would not have an easy road to hoe through life. Pain and suffering, sometimes daily, would be part and parcel of our existence

Many of the obstacles we encounter along the road that cause us this pain are not of our own making. We just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time or we are afflicted with a disease that was not caused by our own willful foolishness or, well, the list goes on. Bad things, sometimes very painfully bad things, happen to good people for reasons that we cannot either fathom or understand or both. They just do, no exceptions – Jesus, for example.

On the other hand, many of those obstacles we encounter are the result of our own free will. We are often our own worst enemy when it comes to how we traverse this journey through life. We know, we know, that the journey will not be easy. We know life will bring us our own fair share of pain and suffering, and for some, more than our/their own fair share. And, again, as much as we would like it to be, there are no exceptions. None, Jesus included.

That is the downside of this journey through life. The upside is that we have learned that more often than not we have become a better person, a stronger person, because of the pain and suffering that we have endured. That is truth with both the suffering that was the result of our own foolishness and the suffering that we in no way deserved but experienced nevertheless.

We have come through it all, and will come through it all again, because God gave and continues to give us whatever grace and strength we need to do so. All we have to do to validate this truth is to look back on the past pain and realize that if it were not for that grace, we would not have made it through. The other truth is that God never allows us to suffer more than we can endure.

We also know in hindsight that God has saved us from pain and suffering that we certainly deserved given our sometimes foolish words and actions. Why God saved us from certain pain will remain a mystery, but we are certainly thankful that God did just that at that moment in our lives.

What we have to do is make certain that we learn from our mistakes and do all we can to prevent ourselves from being our own worst enemy when it comes to making our way through this life. It will make life so much more pleasant.

YES, I CAN

Years ago I read a story about a small rural parish in Iowa that was in debt and how it got out of debt. The local grain elevator operator was the church treasurer. When the crops came in and were sold, the operator took 10% off the top of the proceeds from the sale and gave that money to the church unbeknownst to the farmers whose grain he sold and who were church members.

The results: the church’s indebtedness of $228,000 was paid off, the minister’s salary was increased by 8%, the parishes cooperative program gifts (our diocesan askings) was paid 200%. Further, there were no outstanding bills and there was balance of $11,252 in the bank. And the farmers did not miss the money. (As an aside, my take is that they were obviously very good and very wealthy farmers!)

Okay: the treasurer had no right doing that. I agree. How the issue was resolved on the home front between the treasurer and the farmers is unknown to me. But that is not the point here. Nor is the issue about tithing even if the point of the story is that those farmers discovered that they could tithe when previously they believed they could not. The realization that we can do something that we previously believed we could not do is what is the point at hand.

Yet, it does not matter if we realize we can do something. What matters is what we choose to do knowing that we can do what we are asked to do. There are multiple things we can do in life but we simply choose not to do them. We can quit smoking if we so choose. We can go on a diet or stay in shape if we so choose. We can cook a meal or iron a short or mow the lawn if we so choose. We make choices each and every day, multiple choices, choices to do or not to do that which we can do if we so choose.

How we respond to the choices that are presented to us is up to us. When we choose not to do that which we know we can and should do, we will always find an excuse that we hope will get us off the hook with the one or many who need our help. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on our mindset), doing so will not, in fact, get us off the hook with ourselves.

Why? Because we know better. We may fool others but we cannot fool ourselves, try as we might. And we do try, do we not? Then we have to live with ourselves, with the guilt we have imposed on ourselves because of our laziness or hardheadedness or whatever it is in us that tries to justify our selfishness.

As a matter of fact, everything we choose to do we can choose not to do. We can even choose not to pay taxes. We have that free will. The only thing we cannot choose to do is avoid death. Between now and then, the choice is ours: “Yes, I can” or “No, I won’t” How will we respond?

FINDING A CAVE

This past Lent I went on a quiet day with some fellow clergy. We were asked to actually remain quiet, at least till lunch, something that is very difficult to do when clergy gather. For more often than not in such situations we are tempted, if not eager, to give our personal critique of the bishop and/or the state of the diocese and/or the wider Church. All the while, of course, we humbly admit that our own ministry is going very well, thank you. This time, however, there was no inclination to critique the Bishop even if we were wont to do so as he was present. Most of all and the truth is that it would do each one of us a whale of good just to keep silent for a few hours.

That is hard to do. Most people, and clergy are no exception, find it difficult to deal with silence. There are several places in the liturgy where we are encouraged to keep silent. After each reading, for instance, in silence we would be able to personally reflect on the words we just heard. The problem is that we would need two to three minutes to even get ready to reflect. That is compounded by the honest truth that even thirty seconds of silence during worship seems like an eternity. We are simply very, very uncomfortable with silence.

That is a problem. For it is only when we take the time to be silent that we can even begin to take stock with our lives, with who we are, with why we do what we do, with where we go from here, with – well, with any of a  myriad of  personal questions we conveniently avoid asking. Such avoidance stems from two truths. First, we really don’t want to get that personal because we are afraid of what truths about ourselves we will have to admit to. Then once admitted, we have to deal with how we will respond. Second, no self-examination can take place amidst all the noise that never seems to go away or even abate.

The only way to find the silence that is demanded for such reflection is to find a cave somewhere. Granted, that may be somewhat unrealistic, but the point is still valid, certainly is the proper metaphor. Think about it: a cave. Walk into that cave deep enough so that only a dim view of the light outside is seen. That’s deep enough to shut out all the noise we’ve left behind. It is deep enough so that all we can hear is the sound of our own breathing. Scary, isn’t it? Ever been there? If so, it was probably not because we deliberately intended to find that cave and enter into its silence. And even if we have deliberately found that cave, if you are like me, facing the truth is always scary.

And yet that is where we all need to go on a regular basis if we want to get serious about our lives. Then, too, the obvious response is that we really don’t want to go there. We do not want to face the silence because we do not want to hear in that silence what God is saying to us. For, you see, God can only get through to us in the silence of our hearts and minds. God, however, never forces us into that cave where we will be still and hear God speaking to us. We have to go there on our free will. Will we?