IT'S NOT OKAY NOT TO CRY

One of the blessings of my life is that when I was a child and I got hurt, whatever the hurt, and started to cry, my Mom never said to me, "Billy, big boys don't cry". She allowed me to cry because that is what my being, my inner self, told me I was supposed to do at that moment. I hurt. I was in pain and tears spontaneously started to flow. Mom didn’t try to find an excuse for me to stop the tears. They were a part of life.

They still are. Tears well up in our eyes and we can do nothing to prevent them from so doing. Yes, once we sense the tears, we may want to do all we can to stop the flow so as to pretend to all who might see them that we are brave and strong and can control our emotions. We may fool others but we cannot fool ourselves. Nor should we. Those tears arose because something deep inside us forced them to the surface. We did not will them even if we, in some sense of foolish pride, wished they had kept to themselves.

Tears of pain when fall and get hurt, tears of joy over the birth of our child, tears of pride when the National Anthem is played at the Olympics, tears of sorrow at the death of our Mom: all these are spontaneous. They are natural and they should never be suppressed for any reason no matter how macho, how in control of our emotions we are supposed to be. If someone else is embarrassed because tears came to our eyes, that is that person's problem. If we are embarrassed by our tears, we should be ashamed.

The shortest verse in the Bible tells us simply that "Jesus wept". (John 11:35) Remember the story? Jesus' close friend Lazarus had died and Jesus came to mourn. Even though he knew what he was going to do, namely, raise Lazarus from the dead, at that moment his humanity and the emotions that are part of that humanity took over and he simply broke down and cried. That sad part in this incident is that many of those who came to mourn Lazarus looked at the weeping Jesus and instead of seeing a human being honestly overcome with grief, took him to task for not preventing Lazarus' death in the first place.

What was, and probably still is, even worse is that Jesus' raising of Lazarus got more attention than did his tears of compassion. Yet, for you and for me who want to imitate Jesus in our daily lives, the one way we can do so is to have compassion on the same people with whom Jesus was compassionate and for who he shed many tears: the sick, the naked, the lonely, the imprisoned, those in need. We will not raise people from the dead, but our tears of compassion can raise us up to do something to help those very people find resurrection and new life in the here and now.

It is not okay to not have compassion on those for whom we should have compassion and for whom we should be shedding compassionate tears. It is not okay not to cry when in pain, whatever that pain may be. Those tears that well up in us spontaneously are a call to respond in a positive, humane and Christian way using whatever gifts God has given us to do so. Sometimes all we can do is let the tears flow. Sometimes we can do more.

Big boys don't cry? That's a lie. It's a sign of our bigness that we, male or female, can and do cry.