POOR PAUL, POOR ME

St. Paul was never one of my heroes, a saint that I admired and wanted to be like. It’s not that I doubted his sanctity or his devotion or anything like that. He was a great man who was indispensable to the growth of the church. He was our first real theologian even though he got some things wrong and was sometimes too hard headed for his own good and the good of the church.

Rather, I think Paul spent too much time patting himself on the back, even though he deserved all that adulation and more; and he whined too much even though he was treated horribly by foe and friend alike. Given all that, it would seem that Paul was a person one should admire and want to emulate. It would seem, even though for some reason I cannot find myself in that position.

However, I do find myself moaning and groaning for the same reason Paul did. He wanted to be a perfect example to the people he was proselytizing of someone who followed Jesus almost to the letter. But the more he tried, the more he was tempted to be and do otherwise. As he wrote in his letter to the Romans, he was constantly tempted to do that which he knew he should do and not do that which he knew he should. What is worse, all too often he gave in to those temptations. Poor Paul.

Now there is someone to whom I can and do relate! While I may not be tempted in the same way Paul was (what temptations he received he did not detail), nevertheless I often find myself in the same position of wanting to do that which I should not and not doing that which I should. Poor me. Poor all of us, because none of is exempt from being tempted to be selfish, which is what all temptations are about.

Actually, temptations in and of themselves are morally neutral They are just temptations: temptations to utter an unkind word, temptations to refuse to help when one is perfectly able, temptations to eat or drink too much, temptations of every kind and degree. They are morally neutral until we respond to them either by giving in to them or by rejecting them and moving on.

The rejecting and moving on is what is difficult. We all know that, as did Paul, from personal, firsthand experience. We’ve all been there and we’ve all done what Paul did and what Paul did not do. And like Paul, there have been times when we cried out to God to rid us of these temptations because, at least at that moment in our lives, they seemed to be so overwhelming that we were ready to give up and give in.

Yet, as Paul knew and we know, there is no escape. As long as we are alive we have free will. Because of our free will there will always be temptations to go either way: to do or not to do. But temptations are really choices. When we give in to a temptation, we are making a choice, a free will choice. We do not have to be unkind or selfish but we freely choose to do so. Like Paul we can whine because we are tempted and we can try to blame someone or something when we give in. But the truth is, like Paul, in the end, we have no one else to blame but ourselves.