NOT TO…IS TO…

Somewhere in the files that I have been collecting since seminary over 50+ years ago is a poster with this observation by Harvey Cox, retired professor at Harvard Divinity School: “Not to decide is to decide.” Very simply it means that when we have to make a decision if we should or should not do something and we put off making that decision, we have therefore made the decision that we will not to do what we were pondering about. We may change our minds later; but, for now, we have made our decision.

I was reminded about Cox’s observation during a conversation my wife and I had with some close friends. It was about being in the presence of someone or some others who are disparaging another person or group of persons. The temptation is to say nothing because you don’t want to start an argument. The thought is just to say nothing and hope to move on to another topic.

When we choose to do that, however, what we have done is tacitly agree with the statement that was made. When we have decided not to voice our disagreement, what we have done was to silently voice our agreement. There is no getting around that truth. But we do it, don’t we? We’ve all been in situations where we hear something said that we totally oppose, but don’t want to rock the boat, so to speak. And so we remain silent.

Several weeks ago I was waiting for my car to be serviced. In the area where we waited a couple were talking about the President. The gentleman (and I am using that description kindly) said that he “hated that #*#* Biden” I was stunned but decided not to ask hm why he had such hatred. Instead, I asked him to change the channel that was set to Fox News. His look was not kindly and he and his wife simply got up and left the room.

Challenging him was really the Christian response that I should have made. Perhaps he had a valid reason to hate the President and my calling him on it would have forced him to articulate his reasons. On the other hand, his reasons may simply have been from some form of bigotry and that would have forced him to acknowledge that truth. Perhaps. I will never know because I chickened out and allowed my silence to be a tacit agreement to his opinion of the President. Not to agree was to agree.

Challenging another when we disagree does not have start a fight. Simply asking “Why do you believe what you just said?” can start the conversation. It forces the other to justify the position that is being held. Yes, it is a touchy situation. Perhaps the reason that there is so much descension in our country these days is that we don’t challenge one another on why we believe what we believe.

Maybe if I had challenged that gentleman, he may have had to admit he was wrong. And maybe not. But at least he would have known that I thought he was wrong just as my decision not to was wrong. Sadly, my decision not to disagree was to agree