COMPASSIONATE LISTENING

There is either too much or not enough, let alone none at all going on in this world and even in this church of ours – talking, that is. On the one hand, there seems to be too much talking going on. Everybody’s talking at us. Everyone has an opinion and everyone seems willing and able to make that opinion known and heard. It is almost a Tower of Babel out there and it is all dissonance, lots of yelling and screaming.

Now talking in and of itself is not bad. That is often the best way to communicate thoughts and ideas to others. When we speak, we use body language and body language often conveys more than even profound words. Talking becomes bad when it degenerates into pontificating. Give some of us the opportunity to mount the pulpit and we will tell anyone who is listening what is wrong with the world, wrong with him and how to fix it. Why would others not think we have the answers, all of them, in fact, or maybe most?

On the other hand, there is not enough talking going on. When we are at odds with someone else, with another nation, with another belief, we tend to stand apart and glare at each other. We are unwilling to talk, for whatever reasons we may have. And if we do give in and agree to sit across the table with those with whom we disagree or whom we do not understand, we have a penchant for pontificating.

What is even worse is that when we talk too much, we do not listen. When we do not talk at all, no one is listening. When we do not listen because we are drowning out the other with our words or when there is nothing to listen for because there is no one to speak to us, we fail to communicate. And the failure to communicate is the primary cause for so many of the problems we have in our world today, the church included. In fact, I tend to believe it is the reason for the great number of problems we have.

We must speak with one another, communicate with the other, no matter who the other is, especially when we find ourselves at odds with the other. But more importantly we must listen to the other, truly listen, and listen compassionately. To listen with compassion we have to put aside for the moment our beliefs, our prejudices, and our opinions and put ourselves in the place of the speaker. That is in and of itself always difficult. But we must.

We cannot do that if we are listening sitting on the edge of our seat ready to interrupt or interject our retort. That is not listening and that prevents us from truly hearing what the other is saying. And so we fail to communicate even as we think that is what we are doing. If we are communicating anything, it is that we are not listening, certainly not listening with any sense of compassion and willingness to understand.

Even if we are convinced of the correctness of our position and the incorrectness of the other’s, we must listen with compassion. We must try to understand why he believes or thinks or acts the way he does. When it is our turn to speak, we simply do the same and trust the other will listen with compassion to us. In the end we may continue to disagree with the other, but at least we will have heard each other out and will understand why we each believe the way we do.

Listening with compassion also enables us to hear what we may not have heard before because we talked too much or talked too little or talked not at all or hear something we never thought about before. Imagine that! Speaking and listening with compassion, with an open heart and mind, enables communication to take place and will go a long way in bringing peace and help mend broken relationships of any shape or size or form.