NATURE AND NURTURE

All four of my grandparents were born and raised in Italy. They migrated to this country in the early 1900s to begin and raise their families. When others learn this about me and then discover that I do not like garlic, wine or opera, they shake their heads in disbelief. They assume, I assume, that there must be a defective gene in my makeup. Is it not the nature of an Italian to love all three? My siblings love garlic and drink a little wine now and then, but I’ve never asked them about opera. Am I the odd man out or simply odd?

Perhaps if my parents liked garlic and wine and listened to the opera on the radio when I was growing up, they might have nurtured me into loving or at least liking all three. But they did not either like or nurture or encourage. My Dad, when he was told that he had to learn to like hard liquor simply asked “Why?” Why do we have to learn to like something we don’t like, like garlic, opera or wine?

The truth is that both nature and nurture play a very big part in who we are. I naturally do not like garlic. I cannot explain why I do not like it just as I cannot explain why I do not like liver, Brussel sprouts or sushi. On the other hand, I don’t think I came out of the womb being a bleeding-heart liberal. I believe my parents nurtured me in that regard. By nature we are all born good because our Creator is good. But we can be nurtured to be bad.

Nature and nurture: is one more important than another in how we turn out as individuals? I really do not know the answer to that question and leave it to those who have professional expertise in that area of human make up and the human condition. Yet it is our fundamental nature and how we were nurtured that explain why two people looking at the same situation can have opposing opinions, sometimes diametrically opposing views.

The issue becomes even more confusing when siblings, raised in the same household, nurtured by the same parents, can be so different when it comes to likes and dislikes, to religion and politics, to, well the list is long. It is those differences that make life so fascinating and yet so difficult, so enjoyable and yet so painful. In my family it is those differences that make conversation around the dinner table loud and long and leaves my wife shaking her head because she was raised where only one conversation at a time goes on and not three or four.

Nevertheless, even if we concede the fact that we are who we are because of our nature and our nurture, that truth in and of itself, does not excuse us from doing what is inherently wrong. Not only does the devil not make me do it or say it, neither does my nature or nurture. As old as I am I can learn to like garlic, wine and the opera if I so choose to do so.

I can also learn to be more kind and caring towards those with whom I disagree. I will never understand why they believe what they believe and they will never understand me. That is always frustrating and even maddening, but it is what it is. Sometimes, sad to say, there is no happy ending other than to agree to disagree. For me that leaves a garlicky taste in my mouth.