TO LOVE IS TO SUFFER

No one likes to be in pain, any kind of pain: physical, mental, emotional, whatever. Yes, there are those who like to play the martyr, but those who do deserve the pain they are in. True martyrs accept the pain that is inflicted because they are enduring what they are doing because of a higher cause, such as those who suffered gross indignities, physical pain and even death during the Civil Rights Movement in the 60’s. They were, indeed, true martyrs to the cause.

A martyr, of course, is a witness, which is the real meaning of the word that has devolved into meaning someone who dies for one’s faith or beliefs. But one does not have to die to be a witness. In fact, sometimes being a living witness is more difficult and more painful than actually dying for one’s beliefs. There are those who suffer for years because of what they believe. For them often death might seem to be the easy way out.

The further truth is that anyone who loves is a martyr in the sense that to love is to suffer. Think about it. Think about the things we do for love. Many of them involve suffering, often painful suffering. Raising children is never easy and is often painful. We get out of bed at two in the morning because our child is in pain. We stay awake until two in the morning until our kids get home. It is painful but we do it, we suffer, because of our love for our children.

When the ones we love are in pain, we suffer along with them. When they do something to hurt us or hurt themselves, we suffer. When my Mom had to punish my siblings and me for things we did which we knew we should not have done, she used to say, “This hurts me more than it hurts you,” even as we felt the sting of the wooden spoon across ur hands and wrists. We didn’t believe her are the time but we learned the truth of what she said when we became parents.

When those we love hurt others, do what we have taught them not to do, hurt themselves because of their foolish decisions, we suffer. We did not stop them because we could not stop them. They were free to make their own decisions and suffer the consequences. But, again, we suffered along with them just as our parents suffered along with us. To love is to suffer and there is no escape. It does with the territory, if you will.

And while we may think we have suffered a great deal in our lives because of the words and actions of those we love, think about how much God suffers. Sometimes I think we think God does not suffer, that God is above it all, especially if we believe God should intervene and prevent anyone from doing anything that would cause any kind of pain to themselves or to anyone else.

God suffers every minute of every day because God is Love and God loves each and every one of us unconditionally. And like us, his beloved children who suffer when the ones we love hurt or are hurt, so, too, does God. The temptation is to think it is better not to love than to suffer the consequences. But as we have learned, it is better to love and suffer the pain that sometimes comes with it than to live in even more painful loneliness.