THE BEST DATE NIGHT EVER

Over the years whenever I have done pre-marriage counseling, I have used a tool called “The Pre-marriage Awareness Inventory”.  It is a series of over one hundred questions that randomly deal with issues that confront every couple: new beginnings, conflict, friends, finances, sexual issues, religion and the like. The couple individually completes the inventory and then we discuss the issues that have been raised. I tell them it is not a pass-fail exam but a tool to deal with issues that are now arising or will eventually arise throughout their marriage.

One of the questions asks how often they will go out on a date after they have been married. They are given these choices: “once a week or more”, “twice a month”, “once a month”, and “less than once a month”. The point, of course, is not how often they would take time to be by themselves, especially after the kids are born, but that there is a need to make and take that time on a regular basis.

Although I did not do the pre-marriage counseling for my daughter and her husband, I knew the priest who did the counseling did address this issue. I did, however, doing my “duty” as father of the bride put my two-cent’s worth in when we were talking about their life together after marriage. I stressed the importance of “date night” never really explaining what that meant other than that they needed to get out together on a regular basis, however they defined “regular”.

All this is a long preface to the conversation Tracy, our newly-married daughter, had with her mother. It was a Saturday morning and Tracy called just to check in as she is wont to do. She reported that she and her husband had gone out on a date the night before to Lowe’s. When they returned home, he said to her, “This was the best night ever!” When I heard that, I said to myself, “Really? The best date night ever going to a giant hardware store?” Well, I suppose so.

Yes, Tracy and Da’Mon love their home and are truly homebodies. They’ve spent most of their free time doing things around the house. Thus, it does make sense that going to Lowe’s might be considered a date, certainly from Da’Mon’s point of view. “Might” is the operative word here. Arlena wisely did not ask Tracy how she felt about this “best date night ever”. After all, they did get out of the house together, did they not?

Of course that is precisely the point. Each of us and each couple have to live life as is best for each of us. My assumption is that most people think Arlena and I live a dull and boring life. But it is our life and one with which we are completely happy. If Tracy and Da’Mon want to consider a trip to Lowe’s after a hard week of work a “date”, well then, it is indeed a date. Who am I, who is anyone, to judge?

In fact, I find it rather refreshing. If the question every came up on “Family Feud”, the television show, about “What’s the best place to go on a date?”, I doubt if anyone would respond, “Go to Lowe’s”. That is, of course, assuming that Tracy and Da’Mon were not contestants.