No Regrets

In her latest novel, Home, Pulitzer Prize-winning author Marilynne Robinson tells the story of two siblings who come back home to Gilead to spend some time with their aged and dying father, a retired pastor. Gloria, who is single, is a teacher who gives up her career to tend to her father because, it seems, none of her seven siblings is willing to help share the duty and, in all honesty, the burden.

Jack, the black sheep of the family, returns home unexpectedly, seemingly from out of nowhere because everyone in the family has lost track of Jack and Jack has done nothing to keep in touch. Throughout the course of the novel Robinson has Jack and Gloria reflect on what was and what might have been had they each taken different roads. It is a fascinating read and further evidence of Robinson’s skills as a writer.

During one of their conversations Jack says to Gloria, “There’s a lot I could regret….If there was any point to it.” And isn’t that the truth? The further truth is that we are all like Jack to one degree or another. We have all done things over the years that we now regret, said words that we wish we had not, not taken roads we could have and taken others we should have avoided like the plague.

We all have regrets, loads of them. Yet, as Jack opines, what’s the use in spending time regretting the mistakes we have made over the years? We cannot go back and undo what we did, reverse our course and then take the roads that would have been best for us. Life, our life has moved on. Regretting the past only keeps us riveted in the past so much so that it is difficult to live in the present.

Whenever we reflect on the past, what we are to do is learn from the past, both from the good and the bad. Regret for mistakes made and roads not taken should not be part of the reflection for, as Jack says, there is no point to it other than to replay the guilt feelings we had already put to rest as life forced us to move on, knowing that in order to live in the present, we have to let go of the past.

But we do, don’t we? We often allow regret for things done and left undone to hold us back from moving on with life. Sometimes we can become so overcome with remorse or guilt that we cease living and simply vegetate our way through the present. It is only when we come to our senses and realize that if no one else understands us and no one else forgives us for our mistakes, at least God does. And that should be enough for us to forgive ourselves. Jack, for all his waywardness, understood that.

Not only do we often allow regret to bog us down before we move on with our lives, we often demand that others show a modicum of regret for their past sinful, selfish or foolish actions before we will allow them to move on with their lives. In the process no one moves ahead.

The past is passed. It is what it was. We have learned from it. What is now and what will be is our only concern. No regrets.