I NEED A HUG

Did you ever find yourself saying to yourself, or better, to another, "I just need a hug"? If we're human, we all have. To be human, to be alive, is to need to be held, to be touched, to know that we are loved and cared about. As children we needed the warm and loving embrace of our parents, an embrace that gave us a sense of security— and love. It does not change as we grow older. And the need does not grow any less. We are physical beings and being physical is part of who we are. Some may need less hugs and less of a hug than others, but the need is the same in us all.

The same is true of the opposite: the need to hug someone else. Yes, the mutual embrace means we are hugged in return. But a hug is a natural, human response to showing that we care for and care about the other person. At that moment it is not enough simply to use words: they fall far too short of what we want to and can convey by a hug. We are both defined and limited by our bodies. Our spiritual being is given visible reality by our body. We communicate body to body before we can begin to communicate soul to soul. And we get in contact with another person's soul through the body: through hugs, kisses, handshakes, pats on the back, embraces.

That can be dangerous, of course. A hug says more than words can say. Words try to convey the spiritual part of our relationship. Hugs convey the deeper part: the physical and spiritual. And so if we don't want to get too close to another, if we want to stay at arm’s length, we keep our arms away from the other: no hugs, please.

The other danger is that we can abuse the physical part of any relationship. Physical abuse, in every way, shape and form is the degradation of another person. For what we are doing is using the other, abusing the other, for our own pleasure. That's called "sin," which is quite the opposite of love, which is what the physical embrace is supposed to convey. Thus, when we practice our faith, one of the first and essential practices is be called "honoring the body" – both our own and that of the other, of others.

Now I will grant that there is probably too much emphasis on the body today.  Stand in line at the grocery store and read the covers of the magazines, glossy as well as pulp. There is always at least one article on how to lose weight without really trying, one on how to be a better lover, and one on how to look better. It is almost as if we believe that if we get the physical right, the spiritual will follow: if we get in shape, look good and know how to be seductive, we will be loved.

Wrong. It is just the opposite. We begin by already knowing we are loved and lovable, no matter what we look like or how out of shape we are. The physical is an outward expression of the spiritual. We may be out of shape physically because we our out of shape spiritually. But to honor our own bodies and to honor the bodies and, thus the being of others, we must not separate the spiritual from the physical on the one hand, and we must not overlook or overemphasize the importance of the need to express physically what we feel spiritually. We all need hugs and we all need to give them. But we must also be aware of why and what we are saying in the process.

 

AND IT WAS GOOD

One of the harsh realities of growing older is the fact that the body will not allow us to do what we were able to do even a few short years before. Getting down on the floor is now difficult. Getting up from the position is even more so. It is a painful reminder, both mental and physical, that growing older, even in good health, has its drawbacks. However, there is much good that comes amidst this pain.

A close friend of mine sent me the following words of reminder and wisdom: “Most seniors never get enough exercise. So, in his wisdom, God decreed that seniors would become forgetful and they would have to search for their glasses, keys, and other misplaced things, and move around more. And God looked down and saw that it was good. Then God saw there was yet another need. So God in his wisdom made seniors lose coordination so that they would drop things, which would require them to bend and reach and stretch. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

“Then God considered the functioning of senior bladders and decided that in His wisdom there would be calls of nature more frequently, requiring more walking to the relief station, which would burn calories. God looked down and saw that it was good. Seniors were obliged to exercise more from these senior shortcomings and did become more active as a result. So if you find you are required to get up and down more as you age, remember it's God's will and in your best interest, even though you mutter under your breath. Amen! Let it be! And it is good.”

Finding the good in the bad or in the not-so-good is almost always difficult because when we are in pain, be it physical or mental or both, the pain tends to block our ability to look for the good. That in and of itself is not so good because it prevents us from discovering that which can and would ease the pain.

All this is akin to Nathaniel’s Gospel question when he is told that Jesus just might be the Messiah and that Jesus comes from Nazareth: “Can anything good come from Nazareth?” The response was: “Come and see.” That is the same response we need to hear when we ask, “Can anything good come from this pain, this loss of mobility, this whatever-it-is that reminds me that I am growing older and will never again be able to do that which I once could?”

Come and see. Look for it. There is always some good to be found in the bad, the loss, the pain, the suffering. It may not be easy to discover just what that good is at that moment in time because we are momentarily a little overwhelmed by the reality at hand. But it is there somewhere and we have to find it else the pain and loss will control our lives and make the present and future even more difficult.

Life is a journey through good times and bad. When the road gets difficult as it always will sooner or later, we have to look for what is good in the bad, in the pain. At this point in my life bending down is difficult and getting up from getting down hurts, but at least I can still do so. That is good. Thank God for the good.

SHIPS AND BOATS

Many years ago Tony Brown, host of a PBS public affairs show, responding in George to the question "If I Were President" (scary thought, isn't it?) about what his victory song would be, said this: "I would write a song called 'We Didn't All Come over on the Same Ship, But We're All in the Same Boat.'"

It is a rather good thought. My grandparents came over to this country on a ship. They landed at Ellis Island and then made their way to Eastern (my dad’s side) and Western (my Mom’s side) Pennsylvania. When they landed, they joined thousands of other immigrants, all of whom had come on ships, all seeking to make a new life in a new country. Those ships came from all over Europe.. What they all discovered, those who came before, with and after my grandparents, was that, as Brown would have it, they we're now all in the same boat.

They were and we are. My grandparents never became rich, if that was their goal, even their thoughts, when they boarded those ships. But they lived a good life, even though that life was filled with one struggle for survival after another. After all, they lived through the Great Depression. But they made it because they worked together. The Depression, the struggle to make it from one day to the next, was everyone's problem. They were all in the same boat. What they quickly learned is that even though life back in the “old country” was difficult, which is why they left in the first place, life in their new home would not be much, if any, easier.

One of the problems that I think we have in this country today is that we have not had to struggle together. The Wars – WWI and WWII – and the Depression were national struggles. We have not had such a national struggle since, nothing that brings us together, forces us to realize we need one another juts to survive. The result has been that we now struggle individually and somehow believe that that is the way it is supposed to be.

Now I am not advocating a collapse of the stock market and a worldwide depression to bring us closer together, nor would I advocate an us-vs-them war to do the same. There is enough misery and suffering in this world, even in our own country already. We already have whatever it is we need to bring us closer together, to realize that we are all in the same boat. We don’t need a depression or national catastrophe.

We've known it all along. That was and is Jesus's basic message. We are all brothers and sisters one to another, no matter where we were born, where we live, the color of our skin, our gender, even our beliefs or disbeliefs or unbeliefs. We are all children of one God and Father who is in all and over all and loves all and works through all. All, not some, not a select few, not just the rich, not just the poor: all.

The "ships" that brought us to the place we are now, in many ways, matter not. What matters is that we are all in the same boat. We sail or sink together – whether as a world, as a country, as a state, as a city, as a church, as a family. There is room on the boat for diversity, but not for division.

THE ANSWER

A couple of weeks ago I spotted a sign on an Assembly of God bulletin board. It was the title to the upcoming Sunday's Sermon. It read: "The Answer to Man's Problem." Given my honestly prejudicial view of AoG churches, I immediately assumed that "man" was the specifically chosen word. It was not generic, certainly not politically correct. The preacher meant man, of the male gender; otherwise he would have said "humanity's" problem.

Well, being a male, I already knew what our problem is: women. So I really would have liked to have been able to stop in that Sunday to hear what the man said, but I had to be occupied somewhere else.  I mean, if someone in one short, or even long, sermon can tell me how to solve the riddle of women, I would be eternally grateful.

Now to extricate myself from the mess I am in: the preacher probably meant "humanity," and simply was not into PC language. Besides, no one has ever solved the riddle. It started with Adam and has been going on ever since.

Humanity's, mankind's, men's, women's problem – the one I think the preacher was probably intending to address – also began at the beginning, with Adam and Eve, or whoever those first people were. The problem is the reason why I might have assumed that the preacher was speaking to only men. That is the problem of our self-centeredness. We're selfish. We came out of the womb selfish. Our first thoughts were of getting something to eat.

And it has not changed all that much since then. Our first thoughts, whether recognized or not, admitted or not, cognizant or not, are centered on Number One – and maybe even our second and third thoughts as well. Then, we begin to think of the other person. But our first thoughts center around how whatever we are thinking about is going to affect us.

We see someone in need, our child is crying, a job has to be done: how will this affect me, my time, my life, etc.? That is our first thought. The person in need, the job to be done: that is secondary to me. And it will always be because it is the self - I - who will have to respond. Humanity's problem is humanity itself. WE are our own worst enemy.

And what is the answer to our selfishness, our self-centeredness, our innate inclination to always put ourselves first? There is none. That inclination will never go away. Even Jesus was not immune. When in the Garden, getting ready for his crucifixion and death, his first thoughts were on himself: letting "the cup" pass him by. But his second thought was God the Father's will for him. Then he did what he had to do.

And so it is with us. Our first thoughts will always center on ourselves. But the more we become like Our Lord, the more our second – second, not third or fourth – thoughts will be on the other person, on what God would have us do in this situation, and, hopefully, on what we would truly have us do. That will never be easy. Jesus sweat blood. So might we. But with God's grace we can do it.