FORGIVENESS ISN’T EASY

One of the most difficult, if not the most difficult acts for a human being to perform is the act of forgiveness. It does not take the proverbial rocket scientist to know this truth. Each and every one of us knows it and knows it from the inner most of our very being. We have all been hurt, sometimes hurt deeply, knowingly and willingly by another. Our last thought during those times was about forgiveness. In fact, we may not have even given forgiveness a thought at all.

To not think about forgiving another who has deliberately hurt is not only not sinful, it is quite natural. What we are thinking about, and quite naturally, during those times are thoughts of revenge, of getting even, of paying back. Sometimes, because the hurt has been so deep, our only thoughts are about revenge. Forgiveness is not on the radar screen and not even close to ever getting there.

The truth is that we have a right to seek revenge on the one who has hurt us. If this were not so, then society would be in chaos. If we could do whatever we wanted to another, no matter how hurtful, no matter how unjust, no matter what, and the other would have no right or recourse to seek vengeance or punishment, then all hell would break loose. Thankfully, society and even the church, our faith, all say that we have a right to punish those who unjustly inflict pain and suffering on another or others.

But we have a choice in the matter, do we not? When confronted with someone who has slapped us on the face for no reason at all, Jesus tells us that we do have a choice about how we should respond. We can forgive the one who has hurt us by turning the other cheek or, left unsaid by Jesus but surely understood by his listeners, we can strike back. We have that right.

Jesus, of course, would have us forgive, even turn the other cheek and, perhaps in the process, to receive a second unjust, uncalled for and even more painful slap. Nevertheless, we would be within our rights to reject Jesus’ suggestion and do what comes naturally: strike back.

Forgiveness, then, is giving up our right for vengeance. That is why it is so very, very difficult to do all too often. We have a right to pay back and the one who has deliberately hurt us has no right to expect forgiveness let alone punishment. We can forgive another and not waive the punishment that the sinful, perhaps criminal action merits. Total forgiveness, however, grants pardon and does not seek punishment, as was the case with Jesus on the cross, as in turning the other cheek.

It goes against everything we hold just and fair to forgive unconditionally someone who willingly and deliberately has hurt us. Such forgiveness does not come naturally. It is only possible with the grace of God. That grace is always offered but it is only made manifest when we, of our own accord and free will, ask for it. That will never be easy to do. Jesus needed God’s grace to forgive his executioners. He accepted and forgave unconditionally. So can we if we so choose even as we have a right not to.