IT'S NOT OKAY NOT TO CRY

One of the blessings of my life is that when I was a child and I got hurt, whatever the hurt, and started to cry, my Mom never said to me, "Billy, big boys don't cry". She allowed me to cry because that is what my being, my inner self, told me I was supposed to do at that moment. I hurt. I was in pain and tears spontaneously started to flow. Mom didn’t try to find an excuse for me to stop the tears. They were a part of life.

They still are. Tears well up in our eyes and we can do nothing to prevent them from so doing. Yes, once we sense the tears, we may want to do all we can to stop the flow so as to pretend to all who might see them that we are brave and strong and can control our emotions. We may fool others but we cannot fool ourselves. Nor should we. Those tears arose because something deep inside us forced them to the surface. We did not will them even if we, in some sense of foolish pride, wished they had kept to themselves.

Tears of pain when we fall and get hurt, tears of joy over the birth of our child, tears of pride when the National Anthem is played at the Olympics, tears of sorrow at the death of our Mom: all these are spontaneous. They are natural and they should never be suppressed for any reason no matter how macho, how in control of our emotions we are supposed to be. If someone else is embarrassed because tears came to our eyes, that is that person's problem. If we are embarrassed by our tears, we should be ashamed.

The shortest verse in the Bible tells us simply that "Jesus wept". (John 11:35) Remember the story? Jesus' close friend Lazarus had died and Jesus came to mourn. Even though he knew what he was going to do, namely, raise Lazarus from the dead, at that moment his humanity and the emotions that are part of that humanity took over and he simply broke down and cried. That sad part in this incident is that many of those who came to mourn Lazarus looked at the weeping Jesus and instead of seeing a human being honestly overcome with grief, took him to task for not preventing Lazarus' death in the first place.

What was, and probably still is, even worse is that Jesus' raising of Lazarus got more attention than did his tears of compassion. Yet, for you and for me who want to imitate Jesus in our daily lives, the one way we can do so is to have compassion on the same people with whom Jesus was compassionate and for whom he shed many tears: the sick, the naked, the lonely, the imprisoned, those in need. We will not raise people from the dead, but our tears of compassion can raise us up to do something to help those very people find resurrection and new life in the here and now.

It is not okay to not have compassion on those for whom we should have compassion and for whom we should be shedding compassionate tears. It is not okay not to cry when in pain, whatever that pain may be. Those tears that well up in us spontaneously are a call to respond in a positive, humane and Christian way using whatever gifts God has given us to do so. Sometimes all we can do is let the tears flow. Sometimes we can do more.

Big boys don't cry? That's a lie. It's a sign of our bigness that we, male or female, can and do cry.

THERE ARE STRINGS ATTACHED

Over the years we all have been offered something with what the giver calls "no strings attached". The point the giver is trying to make is that if we accept their gift, there will be nothing expected from us in return. Of course, there is that cynic inside us that does not believe it for a minute. There is no such thing as a free lunch, we say to ourselves. Everything, it seems, comes with some kind of string attached. 

Sometimes in our cynicism we believe that gifts even from loved ones come with strings attached, strings that can seem like ropes tying us to the gift giver. We are expected to give a gift in return. The more this give-and-give back continues, the stronger the string becomes. It is part and parcel of our relationship with the one or ones to whom we have bound ourselves and who have bound themselves to us. It is life-giving and life-receiving for both. Neither would willingly let go of the string because each holds on for dear life, truly dear life. Sometimes it is only broken by death.

The same is true for any relationship we have, not just those that are one-to-one, friend-to-friend, spouse-to-spouse, lover-to-lover. It extends to parent to children, teacher to student, member of a community to a member of the community -- and vice versa in each of these instances. That invisible string that is often made manifest by visible gift-giving is the commitment each of us has to the other to do whatever it takes to make that relationship not only last but to grow even stronger.  But before any of that can happen, we need to be aware that such relationships do come with strings attached and that we welcome and accept those strings with every fiber of our being. That is not always easy to do.

We have all had those strings broken by the other and we have broken them ourselves. It has almost always, if not always, been a painful experience. It has been painful because both partners have expended much time and energy and love to make the relationship work even if the relationship was never meant to be life long, even if we knew it would be temporary when we first entered into it.

As a parish priest it has always been painful to break the strings of my relationships with the people I was called to serve even though I knew and they knew this relationship would not last forever or, perhaps, even for very long. But for however long it was going to last, and, again, none of us knew how long that would be when we entered into it, we grabbed the string and held on for as long as we could, each doing what we needed to do to keep it as strong as we could for as long as we could. And then when it came time to break the string and for us to separate, it was painful, but it was pain tempered by loving and lasting memories.

In the end, when the strings are broken because of circumstances in our control or out of our control, all we can hope for is that the pain that comes when the string is cut is softened by the love that still remains. In this life strings are always attached in any voluntary relationship. That is good and it is good for us and so we must do all we can to keep the string strong.

LEISURE

Many years ago I had to write an essay for a college English class in “The Quintessence of America.” Before I could even begin to write, I had to open my dictionary to learn the meaning of quintessence. I had never heard that word before. It means the “purist and most perfect form, manifestation, type, or embodiment (of a quality, etc.)”. I have no memory of what I deemed to be the quintessence of America.

What I do remember is the class when my professor returned our essays and commented on each as he was wont to do. When he finished commenting, he, thankfully, told us what he believed to be the answer to the essay question. It was a one-word response: “Calvinism”. The longer version is called “The Protestant Work Ethic.” He even admitted that in a Rodman Catholic seminary where I happened to be studying at that time, that ethic ruled our lives. In many ways it still does, mainly for the better, but not always so.

One of the main reasons why our country as a country has been and still is so great is that our work force is unconsciously ruled by that ethic translated into “an honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay.” Yet it is more than that, and that is the downside of that ethic. We are also told that “an idle mind is the devil’s workshop”. Thus, we should keep our hands to the grind wheel, be busy all the time. The corollary is that pleasure of almost any kind, if not every kind, is somehow somewhat bad and, thus, sinful. That almost but not quite means that even any form of leisure is somehow sinful. We may not believe that but, we in this country, often act that way.

Think about it: most people in what are called “Western” nations take six- to eight-week vacations, find time in the afternoon to relax and rest (called “siestas”), arrive at work later than we do and leave earlier. We work overtime and on weekends, take our laptops on vacation, are always connected to our cell phones and often do not take the vacation days allotted to us. The Protest Work Ethic rules and we allow it to rule, and, again, not for the better much of the time.

Several years later in my seminary education, when I was studying theology over 60 years ago, several daring theologians began writing articles on the theology of leisure. Imagine that: there might be a theological justification for leisure, for pleasure, justification that God would not oppose but would actually sanction! An idle mind may be the devil’s workshop; but a mind and a life that never rests or relaxes is even worse. Is it any wonder so many are so stressed out and then wind up doing harm to themselves, to their loved ones and to those around them?

We are now into the traditional vacation season of the year, a time when we are to vacate our minds and bodies and rest. That time is given to us for our benefit, for our health and well-being. If we allow that ethic that seems to control our lives to continue to do so, we will not make time for rest and leisure and we will be the worse for it and, again, so will all those who are part of our lives, wherever they are a part. The Creation Story at the beginning of the Bible reminds us that God took a day off at the end of his work. God rested. Why should we be any different?

TEN THOUGHTS FOR TODAY

One of the blessings of the internet is that friends send you stuff that they find interesting and that you might also. I found the following ten thoughts for today sent to me, by whom I do not remember, that I think deserve to be shared – with my reflection in italics. 

1. Prayer is not a "spare wheel" that you pull out when in trouble, but it is a "steering wheel” that directs the right path throughout. Prayer should be part of our daily life/routine even when it becomes routine. That’s the point!
 
2. Why is a car’s windshield is so large and the rear view mirror is so small? Because our past is not as important as our future. So, look ahead and move on.  We cannot undo the past. We can only learn from it by moving on. We can’t if we live in the past.
 
3. Friendship is like a book: it takes few seconds to burn, but it takes years to write. We need to cultivate friendships because., in this life, we need one another. We cannot go it alone no matter how much we sometimes think we should.
 
4. All things in life are temporary.  If all is going well, enjoy it; that will not last forever. If all seems to be going wrong, don't be overcome with worry, that can't last long either. Nothing in this life lasts forever even when, in bad times, we think those times will never end. They will. The only thing that lasts forever is our life with God in eternity, and nothing will beat that!

5. Old friends are gold! New friends are diamond! If you get a diamond, don't forget the gold! Because to hold a diamond, you always need a base of gold! We build upon old friendships because old friends will always be there for us, and vice versa.
 
6. Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, God smiles from above and says, "Relax, it's just a bend, not the end! There is always resurrection and new life. Always! Somehow in some way God helps us bring resurrection no matter how hopeless we think the situation is.
 
7. When God solves our problems, we have faith in God’s abilities; when God doesn't solve our problems God has faith in our abilities. God will not do for us what God expects us to do for ourselves; nor should God nor should we.
 
8. A blind person asked St. Anthony: "Can there be anything worse than losing eye sight?" He replied: "Yes, losing your vision!"  Without a vision, the prophet said, the people perish. So do we as individuals.
 
9. When we pray for others, God listens to us and blesses them, and sometimes, when we are safe and happy, remember that someone has prayed for us. We are in this together.

10.  Worrying does not take away tomorrow's troubles; it takes away today's peace. How often have we been obsessed, worrying about things that never happened?

ALL GOD CAN DO SOMETIMES IS LAUGH

There was a picture being passed around a while back, maybe still is, of a smiling, actually laughing, Jesus. I suspect many people were/are scandalized. How dare anyone dare a picture of Jesus laughing! With all the suffering going on all over the world to so many innocent people, the vast majority of them children, how could Jesus laugh? How, in fact, can any Christian laugh in such a world of so much suffering?

There is certainly nothing to laugh at in the face of suffering, especially suffering children. Jesus never smiled in such a situation. In fact, it angered him. In the 25th chapter of Matthew's Gospel Jesus warns us that we will be judged based on how we responded to those in need: the poor, the naked, the hungry, the sick. There is nothing funny about suffering. It is no laughing matter. Never was. Never is. Never will be.

There is, however, much in this life that is funny, for which we can do nothing but laugh. Just as tears flow spontaneously, so does a laugh arise spontaneously. When something strikes our funny bone, we laugh. It is just as difficult to suppress a laugh as it is to suppress a tear. We should try to do neither. We should do neither. While it is good to control our emotions, our feelings, they arise because of our God-given nature and they should be allowed to be made manifest.

If we can laugh, if we are allowed to laugh, so it is with God. As there are times when we can do nothing but smile, even guffaw with a hearty and loud laugh, so there are times when God can do nothing but laugh.  I have to believe that God indeed laughs. Thus, the closest we can visualize God laughing, I suppose, of a picture of a laughing Jesus. God laughs with us because God can do nothing else but.

Think about the times in our lives when we have done something so foolish that all we can do is laugh at ourselves. We wonder why we did what we did in the first place that made us look and feel so foolish. We may have even known ahead of time that we were walking into a situation where even angels would dare not go, but we went ahead anyway, and we came away looking like a fool. We were humiliated but all we could do was laugh right along with those laughing at us -- one such laugher being God.

God has to have a sense of humor. After all it was God who created us as we are: fallible, weak, sinful human beings who, on occasion, can and do make fools of ourselves. When we do so, God can do nothing but laugh at us and even laugh along with us. And while laughing, all God hopes for us in that we learn from our foolishness. That is all we can hope for ourselves.

We do learn, thankfully. As we grow older, we grow wiser. That does not mean we come to a point in our lives that we never make foolish decisions, commit foolish acts that can only be laughable in hindsight. God's Kingdom has not yet come. Until it does, we will keep God laughing and laughing at us, individually and collectively, until we get the message. Sometimes that's all God can do when it comes to our foolishness. For that we should be thankful and, someday, be eternally grateful.

BEING GRATEFUL

We all have so much for which we should be thankful, so very, very much. Perhaps so much so that we do not realize just have blessed we really are. One of the reasons, I suspect, that we fail to grasp our blessedness is that often we find ourselves comparing our blessings with those who we deem to be more blessed than we are instead of those who are obviously so much less blessed than we are.

Doing so may be human nature. It may also be the product of the world in which we now live and especially in this great country of ours. We are blessed to live in this country and because of that we are so much more blessed than those who live in other parts of this world, parts of the world sociologists call The Third World or the Three-Fourths World. We take our blessings for granted and only, rarely, if ever, it often seems, pause to give thanks for them.

Truly, because we have so much for which to be thankful, gratitude should be a way of life for us. The word itself, gratitude, comes from the Latin word gratus meaning “thankful”. Gratus is close to gratia which means “grace” – which gives us a clue as to why we should be thankful in the first place, which is why we should never, ever take our blessings for granted.

We are graced people, you and I. We have done nothing to deserve that grace, nothing at all. Why we are so graced and why so many others are not is something we can neither understand nor explain. All we can do, all we should do, is be thankful to God for so gracing us and not, not even once, compare our gifts, our blessings, to those of others or, worse yet, somehow begin to believe we deserve those blessings. We do not.

Gratitude should be like a fuel that gives power to our lives. It should propel us to be the person God created us to be, endowed with the gift’s God graced us with, so that we can become a source of grace and blessing to those who are not so blessed, while not judging them for their lack of blessings but, rather, being thankful that we are so abundantly and undeservedly blessed.

One can only wonder what this world would be like if we, each and every one of us, lived a life of gratitude. Instead of being envious of those we deem more blessed, we would share some of our blessings, some of our time and talents and financial resources, to help bless those who do not have what we have in abundance. Instead of hoarding our blessings, we should share them with those in need. To live more simply so that other may simply live is living a life of gratitude.

Good people that we are, and we are good people, we sometimes can find ourselves not doing what we know deep in our hearts we should be doing. It is so easy to get so caught up in our own little world that we forget about those who are not part of our world. Living a life of gratitude not only makes those with whom we share our blessing more blessed, it makes our lives even more so. We know that when we have done that. We just need to make gratitude a way of life and not simply an occasional part of it.

THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO GO

Jesus’ last words on the cross were his most important not only for us but even more so for himself. “Father, forgive them because they do not know what they are doing.” There are two parts to that sentence, both important as they are two parts of the same coin, if you will. They go together. We do not and cannot have one without the other.

Take the second half of that statement first: “because they do not know what they are doing.” The people who were putting Jesus to death truly did not know what they were doing. By that I mean that they did not know who Jesus was. But it was more than that. They did not understand the implication of what they were doing because their actions would have far-reaching consequences and effects.

So do ours. We, too, when we do something we know we should not be doing, truly do not know what we are doing. Yes, we know that when we say something to hurt another person, we know what we are doing. And when we deliberately hurt another person, we know what we are doing. However, as with the case with those who were putting Jesus to death, so with us: we truly do not know the ramifications of our deliberate hurt. They always go far beyond the one we have hurt.

No sin is ever relegated to one other person even if that person is ourselves. When we do something to hurt ourselves, we also hurt those who love us because they have to deal with what we have done, with the consequences of our actions. The same is true when we hurt another. Those who love the one we have hurt have to deal with the one who has now been hurt, to minister to that person in love. And while they are ministering to the one we hurt, those others who are dependent on their time and talent will have to put their needs on hold. And those who are now on hold will have to put those waiting on them on hold as well, and so on down the line.

Thus, we really never truly and fully know what we are doing when we sin. If we did, if we could somehow in some way fathom the consequences of that sin, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant that sin is, we would never walk down that path. We would avoid it at all costs.

But we do walk down that path. That is why those who unjustly, and knowing that they were doing an injustice, put Jesus to death needed to be forgiven not only for their sake but for Jesus’ own sake as well. Jesus would not allow himself to die with an unforgiving heart. Whether his words of forgiveness healed or helped heal those who were putting him to death, whether those words transformed them, we do not know. But they were transforming to Jesus and allowed him to go from this life to the next in peace.

Forgiveness is the only way to go in this life as well. We have to forgive those who hurt us and we have to forgive others for hurting us and we have to forgive ourselves for hurting ourselves if we want to fully and faithfully live in this life. There is no other way than the way of forgiveness as difficult as that way is all too often, in fact, all of the time. Forgiveness is akin to being crucified: it is painful but it is the only way to go.