WHAT’S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?

The scene: Arlena and I are in a local restaurant eating our dinner and talking about the day’s events. A young couple (“young” as in we are old enough to be their parents) and their teenage son arrive and sit at the table just across from us. The waitress brings them their utensils and menus. They know what they want and quickly order. As soon as the waitress leaves to place their order, they, all three, take out their cell phones and starts playing with them.

Isn’t there something wrong with this picture or is it just my age? I remember when we had teenagers at home – yes, it was before cell phones became popular let alone, it seems, an absolute necessity for anyone over the age of ten (our ten-year-old grandson has his own phone: drives me nuts!). Even back in those dark ages it was difficult to get the girls together for family meal. It was even more difficult to get them to have a conversation with us since they believed we had absolutely no clue what real life was all about. For them it was a waste of their very precious time to deign to speak with us.

However, when those rare opportunities came for us to sit around the family dinner table and have an actual conversation, we took it. They were a captive audience whether they liked it or not. Granted, much of the conversation consisted in one- or two-word grunts rather than and serious discussions, but at least we did not squander those opportunities that came our way to talk to our daughters.

Thus, when those cell phones came out at that table across from us, any opportunity for mom and dad to talk with their teenage son went down the tubes. When dinner arrived, silence continued to prevail. It was none of my business, of course, and I should not judge even though I am; but teenagers are teenagers, and any opportunity to converse with them, even if the conversation is not very deep, should be taken.

In fact, any opportunity for face-to-face conversation should be taken: among parents and children and between the parents themselves. And while I will admit that cell phones have their place and the rest of modern technology is wonderful, we, as a people, not just we as parents, have lost something that no amount of technological expertise can replace. That is the need for us to have honest conversations with one another, real conversations, not text messages or emails. The human response – inflection, gestures and the like – cannot be replaced or replicated by technology.

We cannot get to know one another over the internet no matter how much of ourselves we reveal. The real self only comes out in real-life contact and conversation with one another. It may seem safer to hide behind technology, but what is safer is not always what is best. It is only when we let our hair down, as we used to say, and let the real self come out that we learn about the other and, in truth, we learn about ourselves.

We cannot go back to the “good old days” nor should we want to. Yet when the opportunity comes to have an honest, face-to-face conversation, with another, we should take it.

SLOW ON THE UPTAKE

My mother-in-law, who is 90, is slowing down. But, then, who isn’t? There is one area, however, when she has not lost a step: her quick wit. A couple of examples: Arlena tries to call her almost every night just to check in. A while back, when she missed calling for three days and when her Mom answered the phone, she said, “Hi, Mom. Remember me, your only daughter?” Her immediate reply was, “Just vaguely.”

Last weekend we were visiting with her and doing some errands with her. We had to stop at Lowe’s. When I asked, just as a reminder, where it was, Arlena said, “Across the street from Sam’s.” When we disagreed about what “across the street” meant, Arlena asked her Mom who was correct. “I’m voting for the driver,” she said. “I don’t want to have to walk home.”

As is evident, my mother-in-law is quick on the uptake, as they say. Unfortunately that gene was not passed on to her daughter. The joke around the family is that you can tell Arlena a joke today and she’ll get it tomorrow. She is slow on the uptake. Not always, of course, but often enough to note the difference between mother and daughter.

But, then, who isn’t, at times, slow on the uptake. We don’t always see clearly or understand fully the first time around. Sometimes it takes us two or three missteps to learn the lesson, a second or third look to see what we were supposed to see the first time around but were just a little slow on the uptake. More often than not we do get the point when the point is made, but not always.

That is especially true when it comes to our faith. We can read the Bible, attend Christian education classes of any and all sorts, read and hear what is being taught and still find it difficult to understand the point. Sometimes it is only on the third or fourth or maybe hundredth reading that we finally understand what Jesus is saying in this or that parable. Sometimes it is only when we have stubbed our toe once too often that we get the message.

No one of us comes to the faith all at once just as we do not fall in love all at once. Faith takes time to take root. We have to grow into it just as we have to grow into being an adult from being an infant. All along the journey we learn, sometimes the first time around but, more often than not, from our mistakes and misadventures, sometimes very painful mistakes and misadventures.

Faith, like life – and faith is certainly a part of what it means to be alive – is a growing process. When we step back and examine that process so far, we, all of us, no exceptions, can admit that there have been times when we have been “spot on”, as the English say and there have been times when we have been slow on the uptake, sometimes painfully slow, in more ways than one.

The saving grace is both God’s saving grace and that learning from our mistakes and/or slowness to get the point is often the best way to learn and to grow.

ON NOT PASSING THE BUCK

One of the responsibilities of every preacher is to be prophetic. That may sound quite imposing and arrogant, but it is not. It can also be a little frightening. A prophet is not, as we often assume, someone who predicts the future. That is impossible to do. No one, not even the greatest of minds, knows what the future will hold. One may have a pretty good idea, but no one knows for sure, not even, I dare say, God. For if God knew the future, then free will is out the door and we are all robots already programed to do what God has intended us to do from conception. That would mean that there is no such reality as sin and that none of us is responsible for our actions. It would all be God’s fault. It isn’t. It’s ours and we need to own up to that truth.

What a prophet does is speak for God, speaks the truth. A prophet points out what should be obvious but which we, in our selfishness, often deny. When the Old Testament prophets reminded the people that there were not living the lives God wanted them to live – and they knew they were not, and if they continued to live that way and did not repent – which so often they did not, then bad things would happen to them because of their sinfulness – and it did.

Prophets were usually not welcomed as guests because no one likes to hear what is needed to be heard. Whenever a prophet does his/her job, s/he is usually asking for trouble, which is why we preachers are often reluctant prophets. We like to be liked. Most of the Old Testament prophets tried to find some way out, some excuse, for not doing their jobs. Who wouldn’t? When they did speak for God, they often wound up on the wrong side of the stick. I know several colleagues who had to move on because the congregation didn’t like their prophetic sermons. They were too close to home.

And yet, while a prophet has an obligation to speak God’s word and not mince words even though the message will be denied, railed against or even cause the prophet some harm, even bodily harm, nevertheless the word must be spoken. Yet, even when a prophetic word is spoken, that does not let the prophet off the hook. A prophet can’t pass the buck and say to himself, “I did my job. Now it’s up to them to do what needs to be done, to do what God wants done.” A prophet must also be part of the solution. S/he can’t stand above or beyond the fray.

The truth is that we are all prophets. Not only must our words but our very lives speak God’s word. We can’t tell our children that they must always be truthful when we don’t speak the truth ourselves. We can’t tell others what to do and not do it ourselves. The fact is, we really do not need prophets or prophetic preaching. The truth, God’s truth, is already written in our hearts. It is part of our DNA, children of God that we all are.

Whenever we demand of others what we do not demand of ourselves, whenever we act in ways that we know are contrary to the way God would have us live and which we should want ourselves to live, we’re passing the buck of responsibility to others even though we know in our head and in our hearts that the buck stops with us. The sooner we all act on that truth the better we and our world will be, but until then.

PSALM 23

A friend of mine sent me a reflection on Psalm 23, the King James Version ( the one, it seems, that is most popular even though its language is somewhat dated). In the reflection, each line in the psalm has a one-word explanation, if you will, of what that line really means for us who pray the psalm and believe and mean what we are saying when we do use it in personal prayer: thus, the words of the psalm, their one-word meaning and, for what it’s worth, my reflection on that word.

The Lord is my shepherd: that’s relationship. (Without a relationship with God life would be meaningless and empty.)  I shall not want: that’s supply. (God gives us all that we need.)

He maketh me lie die in green pastures: that’s rest. (is vital to a whole and healthy life. We must take those times of rest to rest.)  He leadeth me beside still waters: that’s refreshement. (While we rest, we are refreshed.)

He restoreth my soul; that’s healing. (We are all wounded, wounded by our own sin and by the sins of others. We are all healed because God always forgives.)

He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness: that’s guidance. (Whenever we get lost, and we all do at times, if we are open to God’s leading, we will find our way.) For his name’s sake: that’s purpose. (Why we do what we do: we do it for you, Lord.)

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death:  that’s testing. (Testing is part of life, part of being human. We are all tempted: no exemptions.)  I will fear no evil:  that’s protection. (God is stronger than any evil. Never forget that.)  For thou art with me:  that’s faithfulness. (God never, ever abandons us. Never.)

Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me: that’s discipline. (We learn through discipline, from the pain our mistakes, deliberate and otherwise, cause. That is good.)

Thou preparest a table for me in the presence of mine enemies: that’s hope. (When, at times, all may seem lost, we know it is not. We will find our way. God will see to it.)

Thou annointest my head with oil: that’s consecration. (We are God’s children.)

My cup runneth over:  that’s abundance. (We always have more than enough.)

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life:  that’s blessing. (We are never alone. We never walk alone. God is always with us.)

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord: that’s security. (Our house is the Lord’s house. The Lord’s house is our house, our home.)

Forever: that’s eternity. (No more need be said.)

A PATIENT BELIEVER

If someone were to ask me, I think I would have to say that I am, by nature, a patient person. Yes, I do get impatient with those I believe are trying to test me by delaying what I know they could and should be doing at the moment. And I have little patience for those who are simply too lazy to do what needs to be done. If I think about it longer, I suspect I can come up with other reasons why I sometimes become impatient.

The fact is that there are some things we cannot hurry; and if we try to hurry what we should not, we will end up with a mess. If the recipe tells us to bake the cake for forty minutes, it means forty minutes. Taking it out of the oven in thrifty-five minutes because we are in a hurry will only leave us with a partially baked cake. If we try to serve that cake and if the diners say anything, it will not be complimentary.

And, of course, as the song says, we can’t hurry love. Love takes time to develop. Yes, we may think that we have fallen in love at first sight; but what we have really done is fall in like at first sight. We like what we see and perhaps hope that our like for the other will be returned and that both likes will turn into love. But that turning-into will take time. It always does as, perhaps, we have learned from painful experience.

Just as we must be patient in finding someone to love, so must we be patient when it comes to our faith. One of my spiritual mentors, Fr. Ronald Rolheiser, says that we must be patient believers. Isn’t it true that we so often want God to answer our prayers immediately because we do believe God can do anything; and because God can do anything, God should do in now? And when God delays in answering our prayers, we become impatient with God.

And yet, we innately know that to be a person of faith we must have patience. How often have we said to another or another said to us when things were not going well for us, “Have faith!”? What was being said was, “Be patient. Be patient with God. This will be resolved in time but not immediately, resolved in God’s own good time. Be a patient believer.”

If God were to respond to our demands as quickly as we respond to those demands that our baptismal faith puts on us, we may be in for a long wait at times. It is a reminder, though, that God probably does lose patience with us. That is not to say that God delays responding to our requests simply to get even. God does not.

It is easy for those of us who believe at times to become impatient with our God. That is simply human nature. There are other times, perhaps more times than we would like to admit, that the demands we place on God are really demands that we should place on ourselves. When we begin to become impatient with God because God is not responding to our prayers/demands, perhaps what we should do is question ourselves if what we are asking of God is not something we should be taking care of on our own, God giving us the grace and strength to accomplish whatever it is we deem needs to be done. Faith demands patience: us with God and, I suspect, God with us, patient believers that we are.

HABIT OR HOBBY?

Bishop N. T. Wright, former Bishop of York, makes the statement near the conclusion of his book After You Believe that church going used to be a habit of the many but is now a hobby of the few. After reading the statistics of church going in the United Kingdom where about 5% attend church on any given Sunday, I can agree with his observation and certainly understand his concern being a “professional religious” myself.

Church going, however, has never been the habit of the majority in this country, at least for the last fifty or more years, certainly in the 43+ years of my ministry. And while we in this country attend church more than those who live in Europe, attendance is far from what it used to be even on the traditional two high holy days, Christmas and Easter. We simply do not attend worship services as much as we used to. 

Diana Butler Bass, a sociologist of religion, entitles her latest book Christianity after Religion: The End of the Church and the Birth of a New Spiritual Awakening. In a way it is a follow-up to Wright’s observation about what has happened to the practice of our Christian faith, one aspect of it being that most Christians attended church on a regular basis certainly out of habit, most, hopefully, because doing so was very meaningful for their very lives.

Now there are those who would applaud the fact that church going is no longer a habit because they would argue that church going should come from the head and the heart. That would be true. However, we all have habits, good and bad. The good habits, like our daily regimens, are very helpful in keeping us healthful and sane. The bad habits, which we need to eliminate, do the very opposite, which is why we need to rid ourselves of them. As we have all learned, getting rid of bad habits is often more difficult that learning good ones.

Be that as it may, back to Wright’s observation, I suspect he was and is a little piqued because what is very important him to him both as a bishop and as a Christian he finds so unimportant to the people he is called to serve. I get that way sometime when attendance is down especially when the weather is good or bad or for whatever reason church goers go somewhere else on Sunday morning, if the only place they go is to the breakfast table.

What Bass has learned from her sociological observations is that the situation is not as bad as Wright thinks it to be. Yes, church attendance is down and people do not come as regularly as they once did. Where once, certainly when I was a youngster, Sunday morning meant going to church whether you felt like it or not. It was an obligation become habit. Whether I got something out of the worship was not the issue. What was was that I was there, period.

Church going on a regular basis needs to be a habit, a habit of the heart certainly. Where else can we go to find a community of love and support, an opportunity to think about and pray for those we care about and who care about us and an opportunity to collectively and individually give thanks to God for blessing received, both deserved and undeserved?

STRESS

There’s a story, a parable really, about a woman giving a presentation on stress management. She raised a glass a glass of water, and instead of asking the “half full or half empty” question, she asked how heavy the glass of water was. Responses varied between 8 oz. to 20 oz.

“The absolute weight doesn’t matter,” she said. “What matters is how long I hold the glass. If I hold it for a minute, it is no problem. If I hold it for an hour, I will have an ache in my right arm. “If I hold it all day, you’ll probably have to call an ambulance. In each case the weight is the same, but the longer I hold it the heavier it becomes. That’s the way it is with stress.”

We are all stressed in one way or another from birth to death. Stress is part and parcel of life. The only time when we will no longer be stressed is when we are no longer alive. In the meantime each day we have to deal with our share of stress of some kind, sometimes many kinds. How we deal with those stresses in our lives determines how healthy or how ill we are.

The worst way to deal with stress is to go it alone. The stresses in our lives are burdens we must bear. And the best way to bear any burden is to find someone to help carry and share the load. Doing so will not remove the load. It will simply make the load, the stress, easier to bear. Often the best way to share the load is to find someone to talk to. Keeping the stress bottled up inside only makes it worse.

Over the years my wife and I have had to deal with the stresses that came with our work and even more deal with the stresses that came with raising five daughters especially when they were teenagers. Our solution was and is to walk and talk: one to three miles walks for normal stresses to five mile walks usually brought on by the teenagers. We could not and did not resolve work issues or even teenage issues, but talking about them helped each of us share our stressful burdens.

The same is true when we put some of those stresses in the hands of God. Believing, knowing that God cares and will give us whatever strength we need to deal with those life stressors is important. God will not remove them but will help us carry them. That is what prayer is all about. To deal with stress we need both the grace and strength of God and the help and support of another, of others, often many others.

While we need to share those stresses, those burdens, we also need to lay them aside for a while. That is what vacations are for. That is what hobbies and outdoor activities and other forms of recreation are for. Recreation: re-creation. They help us recreate our body, our mind, our spirit so that we can deal with the stresses a little bit better. The better we deal with them the healthier we are.

The opposite is just as true. If we do nothing about the stressors in our lives, we will lose our health. How we deal with stress is vital to our physical, spiritual and mental health.