WHEN YOU’RE 92

My mother-in-law is 92, an active, if slowing-down, 92. She drives her big Lincoln to and from the grocery store and drug store and hair appointments and occasionally to the mall across the river but only between ten in the morning and two in the afternoon – less traffic that way, which is mutually good, both for her and for the other drivers on the road. Arlena and I drive down to visit at least twice a month to make sure her medications are filled and the salt in her water softener is filled and some housework is done and to take her out to lunch, which she loves!

She just had cataract surgery on one eye and will have the other eye done soon. She can’t wait until she can see clearly again so that she can get back to cross-stitching and reading which she dearly loves. It will also give us peace of mind knowing that bad eyesight is a hindrance to good driving. She is independent and will remain so until she can no longer do so. Good for her.

The day before her first cataract surgery she had a doctor’s appointment for routine check-up. The Physician’s Aide who did the checking told her that her blood sugar was up. Her reply? “That’s not my fault. It’s my son-in-law’s [me]. He keeps bringing me these great cookies and I just have to eat them.” The P.A. just looked at her not knowing how to respond. Well, how do you respond?

After the doctor’s visit, mother and daughter went to the mall because “Belk’s is having a great sales” so said mother-in-law. It seems that the shopping gene stays strong until the heart stops beating. At least it does in these two, neither of which can resist a sale. When Arlena meekly protested that she would probably have to put some charges on Bill’s [me, again] card, mom just laughed as they headed to the mall.

“Not my fault my sugar level is high” “Not my fault they’re having a sale and I’ll probably buy something.” It’s my fault [me].  If I had not bought the cookies and if I had not, well, never mind. You get the point. You just have to laugh, which is exactly what I did when Arlena told me the story. We all like to pass the buck of responsibility when we can conveniently do so even as we know exactly what we are doing. And we all do no matter what our age: both pass the back and know that is exactly just what we are doing.

In this instance it was mostly harmless. My mother-in-law’s blood sugar was not way out of line. Besides, she’s 92. What’s a cookie or two now and then, even if it's more often than now and then? It’s not going to kill her. And what’s another pair of shoes that you “just have to have and they fit perfectly” when you’ll be giving quite a few to the Yard Sale?

We all make excuses. When you’re 92 and lived a full life and the indiscretions are small and often silly and laughable, who cares? When you are your mother’s daughter, you hope you live long enough to make the same excuses. Oh, you already are!

We are who we are. I wouldn’t change one thing about my mother-in-law or my wife. I’ll keep bringing her cookies and I’ll keep smiling as I lead my wife into the next shoe store or shoe department we pass by. My mother-in-law didn’t reach 92 because she took life so seriously that she couldn’t enjoy it even as her life has honestly been a difficult one. There’s a lesson there.

PAIN AND SUFFERING

No one escapes this life without his or her fair share of pain and suffering. Sometimes it honestly seems that the suffering we experience, the physical and emotional pain we have to endure, is patently unfair. Sometimes it seems that there are those who seem to receive an inordinate amount of pain while others seem to not get what we think they deserve. Even so, the bottom line, again, is that we all suffer, that we all are in some kind of pain during our lives here in this life.

But why do we have to suffer? Why does anyone have to be in pain? God could surely prevent pain and suffering being inflicted upon his beloved children, for that it what we are: God’s beloved; but God does not. God allows us to suffer because of our own sins and God allows pain to be inflicted upon us, justly or unjustly, because of the actions of others. Yet the question still remains: Why?

C. S. Lewis once observed that pain is God’s microphone to a deaf world. Yes, when we are in pain, we do try to get God’s attention. We may even yell and scream at God asking “Why me? What did I do to deserve this much pain, this agony? Yes, I am not perfect. And, yes, I am a sinner; but are my sins so great that I have to suffer in this way?” If I may be so bold, I think we have all uttered those very words once or twice in our lives. No one of us, again, is exempt from what we believe is unwarranted suffering. No one!

Yet, contrary to what Lewis opines, God already has our attention. We are already believers. We know God loves us and cares for us and protects us. Our problem when pain and suffering arise in our lives is trying to understand not why we are in pain but why we are in so much pain. Even when the pain is deserved because of our sinful and foolish actions, even when it happens to us because of the sins of others, we still ask God why it is so severe when it is, at least in our opinion, so undeserved. If there is a world out there that is deaf to God, we are not part of that world.

And, if I may be bold again, those who are indeed deaf to God, when they encounter unjust pain and suffering in their own lives or in the lives of others, especially in the lives of those who profess to be believers, that pain and suffering only emboldens them to further deny God’s existence with the claim that a loving God would never allow such pain to be inflicted on those who believe in him.

So, then, what is Lewis’ point? I think it is simply a reminder, to those of us who are not deaf to God’s word, that there are times in our lives when everything is going well, when we somehow forget about God and how important our relationship with God really is. Sometimes when we are in that mode, the only thing that gets our attention is pain and suffering. We will never understand why we have to endure seemingly unjust pain and suffering, not in this life anyway. But what we do know and do understand is that when any pain comes our way, somehow in some way God will help us get through it. Those who are deaf to God can’t hear God’s comforting words. It’s their loss. 

THE FREEDOM TO SING, DANCE, PRAISE AND LOVE

Concluding my reflection on this prayer of Saint Therese of Liseaux: "Today may there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content and give thanks in all situations. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us."

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could always feel free to sing at the top of our lungs even if we couldn’t sing our way out of a paper bag, to dance up a storm even if we have two left feet, to praise God even if words fail and to love everyone even our worst enemy? Of course it would and of course we can even as we set so many obstacles in our way that we often believe we cannot.

Those obstacles that stand in our way are the mental roadblocks that we set up for ourselves against ourselves that prevent us from being free to sing and dance and praise and love. What are those obstacles, those self-made and self-imposed roadblocks? They are many and they are what St. Therese knows we need to tear down in order to be free to be who we are, who God created us to be. This is the list:

1)      Worries over that which is out of our control that prevent us from being a peace with ourselves.

2)      Failing to have faith in God that God will give us whatever we need to deal with whatever situation in which we find ourselves at the moment, especially those times when we would rather be anywhere than where we are at the moment.

3)      Failing to have faith in ourselves that we can do what needs to be done; and if we cannot do it alone, knowing there will be others to help us.

4)      Excusing ourselves from doing what we are called to do on the pretext that others are more gifted and better able to do what needs to be done.

5)      Believing that we are being punished and, thus, unloved when bad things happen to us, forgetting both that God love us unconditionally and that when bad things happen, there is always resurrection to be found.

6)      Allowing all of this to live in discontent and, thus, unable to be thankful for all that we have and all that we are.

If we could we remove all those obstacles, all those roadblocks, all those false assumptions and allow the truth of just how blessed we truly are to settle into our bones, then those very bones would jar us out of our doldrums, get us up in our feet and make us sing and dance and praise and love no matter how foolish we may think we look or feel. That freedom is there for the taking. So what are we waiting for? That, I suspect, is the real question.

BE CONTENT AND GIVE THANKS

Continuing my reflection on this prayer of Saint Therese of Liseaux: "Today may there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content and give thanks in all situations. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us."

Saint Therese says that we should be content and give thanks in all situations. Really? In all situations? How in the world are we to give thanks when our life is at sixes and sevens? How are we to give thanks when we are suffering and in pain, and it matters not whether the pain we are in is in of our own making or pain that came upon us because of something out of our control?

One has to wonder just what kind of world this young saint was living in when she wrote and prayed those words. It certainly does not seem like the world in which we are living where pain escapes no one, where trying to live a contented life does not come easily if it comes at all. Her world was one secluded away in a convent. How does she come off telling the rest of us to be content and give thanks in all situations when she never had to deal with what we have to endure?

Well, in her own way she had her share of pain and suffering. Just because it was not of the degree or kind that may be ours, pain is pain. Degree of difference is simply a matter of degree: it still hurts. What I think she is getting at is that when we are in pain, it is best to be content. The pain could be worse. Being content does not lessen the pain but it also does not make it worse. And then we are to give thanks that we have been given the grace and strength to endure the pain, however severe, however unjustified.

It is easy to be content and give thanks when all is well. Yet how often are we not and do we not? It is just as important to our spiritual lives to realize just how blessed we are when we are content as fat cats and then to give thanks for our many, many blessings. Instead, when we should be content because we are so blessed, we are not because we want more. Instead of giving thanks, we think we deserve more.

Even from her secluded life Saint Therese understood that it is sometimes easier to be content and give thanks when life is painful and not going well than when all is well and we are abundantly blessed. When all seems to be going well with us, it is often tempting to believe that we have earned the good life, that we have done something to deserve it. On the other hand, when pain shows up as it does for each and every one of us, we want to believe that it is somehow someone else’s fault – or at least think we have done nothing to deserve it. Maybe Saint Therese is on to something.

PASS ON THE LOVE

Continuing my reflection on this prayer of Saint Therese of Liseaux: "Today may there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content and give thanks in all situations. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us."

One of the gifts we have received as children of God is the ability to love and be loved. God’s love lives in us simply because we are children of God. It is part of who we are. Thus, when we summon up that love, however we express that love, miracles happen, an infinite possibility of miracles. 

However, if you are like me, there are many times in our lives, perhaps more often that we can imagine let alone admit to, that we feel unloved or not loved as much as we think we should be. It’s human nature. We all get down in the dumps for various and sundry reasons, some real and some foolish. Often when we get to that place, we moan to ourselves that “No one loves me” and cry in our proverbial beer. Even worse, many cry with a real glass in our hands believing that the buzz we get from the alcohol will actually make us somehow feel loved. It won’t.

But we are loved, totally and unconditionally, by our God. Yes, deep down we know that; but somehow knowing of God’s love just doesn’t do it. Yes, God loves me, we say to ourselves, trying to convince ourselves that we should feel lifted up, that we should rise from our doldrums and put a smile on our face and get on with life, happy once again. Only we can’t.

We need the touch of a human being, feel the love from another human being. That is not to denigrate God’s love for us. It is simply the truth. That is also not to say that in times when we feel most lost, most alone, even, it seems, most unloved, that God’s love will not give us the peace of mind and heart that we need at that time even when no one else is around. We’ve all been there, to that place, as well. We’ve felt that love, God’s love.

Yes, it is difficult to love others when we feel unloved. That’s one of the points I think St. Therese is making. No matter how unloved we feel or even believe we are, we are not. We are loved and are capable of loving others, even working miracles, even from the depths of our loneliness. Jesus, alone on the cross, feeling unloved, loved to the end, knowing he was loved and so could love and forgive in spite of it all.

For us, peace within comes from knowing we are loved, that we are lovable no matter how we feel and that we can and must pass on that love to others.

GIFTS RECEIVED

Continuing my reflection on this prayer of Saint Terese of Liseaux: "Today may there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content and give thanks in all situations. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us."

We are a gifted people both individually and collectively. That should go without saying but sometimes it needs to be said. The problem is not so much that we do not recognize that we have certain gifts. The problem is that we are wont to compare the gifts we have to those of others and always, or more often than not, in our own humble estimation, come up short.

The further truth is that in our honest humility we do recognize that others are indeed more gifted than we are when we compare the same gifts. Countless people sing better than I do, have more intelligence, are better athletes, are, well that list is long. What I often fail to acknowledge is that many of my gifts surpass the same gifts that others possess. All this is a fact of our human existence.

However, we are not to be in the business, if you will, of gifts comparison but in the living out to the best of our ability the gifts with which we have been blessed. On the one hand I am to sing as best I can, think with all my might and play the game with the best of my athletic skills however inferior any of these gifts might be. On the other, I am to do the very same with the gifts that I must, in all humility, acknowledge that I possess that are superior to others.

Again, we should have no issue with any of this. Yet we do. We use the excuse that others are more gifted than we and they are the ones who should be called upon to do what we have been asked to do. That excuse does not hold water, as they say. What we should do instead of making all kinds of invalid excuses is simply to do whatever is asked of us to the best of our ability. So much good in this world of ours gets left undone because of our lame excuses and our unwillingness to do what God has gifted us with the ability to do.

So, when we are called upon to use whatever gifts are needed at a particular moment in time, we can have peace within, peace of mind, knowing that we have been asked to lend a hand because we were exactly where we were supposed to be at that moment. And with faith in ourselves and in those who will help us accomplish what needs to be done, there is nothing that can prevent us together from accomplishing what at first might seem to be impossible but really is not.

INFINITE POSSIBILITIES

Continuing my reflection on this prayer of Saint Terese of Liseaux: "Today may there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content and give thanks in all situations. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us." 

Don Quixote could dream what everyone else believed to be impossible only because he had faith in himself. Maybe no one else had faith in him, but that was all right with Don Quixote. He did not need their faith to accomplish what he set out to accomplish. But he certainly needed faith in himself otherwise he would simply be chasing windmills, which is exactly what all those unbelievers told him he was doing.

 

We can do most anything if we have faith in ourselves, believe in ourselves. That is not always easy especially if we have failed more often than we would like to admit. However, when we think about those failures, we often find that there were the result of simply not having enough faith in ourselves to do what we set out to do. We were in a no-win situation because we believed we were in a no-win situation and not because the situation was not winnable.

Then there are those times when we have all the faith in the world in ourselves but know we cannot accomplish what we want to because we cannot do it all by ourselves. If we begin to believe that victory rests solely in our hands, defeat will almost always be the result. Our team will never win the game if each of us believes that s/he has to win it all by one’s lonesome self.

There are indeed infinite possibilities ahead of us, even where we are in the moment, if we believe in ourselves and believe in one another. We need this faith especially when we find ourselves in situations where we would rather not be, wondering why we are here and how we got here in the first place.

So much in this world and in our own lives that could be done, that needs to be done, is left undone because we do not have enough faith in ourselves or in others to get it done. We are afraid to dream dreams because we believe them to be impossible.

However, for these dream to become realities, this faith of ours, individually and collectively, has to come alive and be the controlling factor in our lives. And in order to accomplish what needs to be done, we first must be at peace within ourselves, trusting that this situation, this place, is exactly where we were meant to be at this moment in time. When this is our mindset, the possibilities, the dreams, are infinite.e did notHe d