STRESS

There’s a story, a parable really, about a woman giving a presentation on stress management. She raised a glass a glass of water, and instead of asking the “half full or half empty” question, she asked how heavy the glass of water was. Responses varied between 8 oz. to 20 oz.

“The absolute weight doesn’t matter,” she said. “What matters is how long I hold the glass. If I hold it for a minute, it is no problem. If I hold it for an hour, I will have an ache in my right arm. “If I hold it all day, you’ll probably have to call an ambulance. In each case the weight is the same, but the longer I hold it the heavier it becomes. That’s the way it is with stress.”

We are all stressed in one way or another from birth to death. Stress is part and parcel of life. The only time when we will no longer be stressed is when we are no longer alive. In the meantime each day we have to deal with our share of stress of some kind, sometimes many kinds. How we deal with those stresses in our lives determines how healthy or how ill we are.

The worst way to deal with stress is to go it alone. The stresses in our lives are burdens we must bear. And the best way to bear any burden is to find someone to help carry and share the load. Doing so will not remove the load. It will simply make the load, the stress, easier to bear. Often the best way to share the load is to find someone to talk to. Keeping the stress bottled up inside only makes it worse.

Over the years my wife and I have had to deal with the stresses that came with our work and even more deal with the stresses that came with raising five daughters especially when they were teenagers. Our solution was and is to walk and talk: one to three miles walks for normal stresses to five mile walks usually brought on by the teenagers. We could not and did not resolve work issues or even teenage issues, but talking about them helped each of us share our stressful burdens.

The same is true when we put some of those stresses in the hands of God. Believing, knowing that God cares and will give us whatever strength we need to deal with those life stressors is important. God will not remove them but will help us carry them. That is what prayer is all about. To deal with stress we need both the grace and strength of God and the help and support of another, of others, often many others.

While we need to share those stresses, those burdens, we also need to lay them aside for a while. That is what vacations are for. That is what hobbies and outdoor activities and other forms of recreation are for. Recreation: re-creation. They help us recreate our body, our mind, our spirit so that we can deal with the stresses a little bit better. The better we deal with them the healthier we are.

The opposite is just as true. If we do nothing about the stressors in our lives, we will lose our health. How we deal with stress is vital to our physical, spiritual and mental health.

WE ARE A PEOPLE OF...

It’s been a while since I took part in a conference led by Father Bud Holland from West-by-God-Virginia, as they say in those parts, and a seminary classmate of Bishop Price. Bud is a wonderful conference leader (I’ve been to two) who tries to put the conference he is leading into its proper perspective. He begins by helping the participants understand who they are as a people and as persons.

Bud says that, first of all, we are a people of the context. In other words, all life, all ministry, everything we do takes place in a specific context, that context being where we live and move and have our being, as one of the Sunday Collects puts it. Our context is not where someone else lives and moves and is but where we happen to be at this moment in time. It is only when we both are aware of and understand the context in which we live that we can even begin to understand who we are as a person.

Once we understand that we are a people of our own specific context and know and understand what that context is, the next reality of which we must become aware is that we are also a people of the gathering. In other words, we are also part of a community, in fact, many communities. We are not meant to go it alone in this world, in the context in which we live. We are always part of some sort of gathering even when we choose to be alone. As God says in Genesis, “it is not good for human beings to be alone.” And so we are not.

For us as Christians one of those communities in which we gather is our faith community, our church. We come together to worship, to fellowship, to learn, all in love and support of one another. We come together to be fed, fed both by the Eucharist and by one another in the very many ways we do in deed feed one another. Without that spiritual and supportive nourishment we would not be able to live out our faith and thus fulfill our baptismal promises and responsibilities to seek and serve the Jesus we meet in every person, as an example.

In other words, or our specific “church words”, we are, in Bud’s words, a people of the table. That is a wonderful analogy in that is only when we can come together around a table to share a meal – the Eucharist, pot luck or even a banquet – or only a cup of tea that we can become and grow as a community of any kind, let alone a spiritual community of faith.

Finally, we must remember that the wider community in which we gather is part of our context, for the church always exists in and is part of the wider community. In other words, as Bud reminds, we are a people of the dismissal. We gather as a community of faith around the table, strengthened by the Eucharist and one another, and are dismissed back into the wider context from which we have come to “go in peace to love and serve the Lord.”

We are a people of the context, the gathering, the table and the dismissal: all four. Understanding and living that truth is what we are called to do every day.

WORDS OF WISDOM FOR ALL OF US

E. J. Dionne, a writer for the Washington Post, was the graduation speaker at Allegheny College this year. I like Dionne’s writing and especially his politics. Many, of course, do not. But all of us can agree with his closing words of wisdom and challenge to those graduates. He said: “Never lose your desire to transform charity into justice, division into civility, selfishness into generosity, cynicism into hope.”

Dionne assumed hopefully that the young men and women gathered before who were now ready to leave the safe confines of college life and set out into that confusing and sometimes terrifying and often selfish and divisive world would do what they could to change this world for the better and not become like so many: cynics who have lost all hope that any kind of change for the better is possible.

The status quo is unacceptable, not only for those graduates but for all of us who call ourselves Christians. Yes, as Dionne attests, we are charitable people. It is part of who we are, namely, children of a good God, who innately want to help those in need. We give of our abundance and sometimes, like the poor woman in the Gospel, even give sacrificially. We need to do more.

So many of those in need in this world suffer because of social injustices that are beyond their control or their ability to change. And unless and until justice reigns, as kind and generous and charitable as we are, that unjust suffering will continue. We need to transform our world into one where justice for all and not just for some is the rule and the way of life.

And, yes, there are divisions in our world and in our country. There are those who agree, for instance, with Dionne’s politics and there are those who disagree. Nothing wrong with that. We, as a society, should be about unity and not uniformity. No two people think, believe or act alike. Each of us is unique, meaning that we will disagree about issues, small and great.

Our disagreements, however, do not have to degenerate into uncivil discourse as it has and as it is quite evident in this political season we are now enduring. If we cannot agree with one another, at least we can agree to disagree civilly. Dionne doesn’t think that is too much to ask and neither should we.

Yet civil discourse comes difficultly when we our mindset is “It’s about me.” When our wants and our desires don’t take center stage, we can become quite disagreeable and make that feeling very evident in the way we talk. It is also hard to be generous when the only needs we see are our own. 

The world into which Dionne, with his words, was sending those young men and women could make them quite cynical and lose any sense of hope that they could make the world a better place for all, a world where justice for all, civil discourse and generosity were the standards. Let’s hope not and let us help them make those needed changes.

HOW TO BECOME VIRTUOUS

We do not come out of the womb as virtuous people. We are selfish, very selfish. We cry because we have been forced to live in a new environment. When we are hungry, we want fed and we want fed immediately. We want to be the center of attention and we get it. It does not matter if it is in the middle of the night or the middle of something that is very important in the life of our parents. That’s their problem. We have a problem, a need, and we want it tended to and at once.

Not very virtuous, is it? In fact, it is quite self-serving. It doesn’t get much better as we grow older. Our wants and needs, no matter what our age, always trump those of anyone else, even those we are supposed to love, even those who love us when, perhaps because of our selfishness, they would rather not. Left to our own desires and devises we would become quite selfish and virtues of any kind would be quite absent in our lives.

That is why we have to learn to become virtuous; but first we have to realize that being virtuous is something that we want to become. We only come to that understanding because we have seen virtuous people in action, seen how it is much better to give than to receive, to love even when love is not returned, to hope in the face of adversity, to believe in the goodness of others even when our head tells us we are foolish. Virtue is taught by others before it is learned by ourselves.

Others give us a glimpse of what the virtuous life is like. We see it and then we want that life for ourselves. That is the first step in becoming a virtuous person. We have to want to change our way of living because we have come to understand that there is a better way to live, a more joyful and fruitful and fulfilling way to live all because we have seen people living that way, living that virtuous life.

The next step is figure out how to become such, what steps we must take to reach that goal, what changes in our behavior must be made in order to attain it, realizing that those steps will be difficult because any change in life and in lifestyle is always difficult. The older we are in undertaking a change, the more difficult. “I’m too old to change” is said for a reason!

Those steps involve changing our habits, changing the ways we usually respond to situations. And as we all know, habits are very, very hard to break because they have become part of our standing operating procedure, as they say, our MO. We “always” act that way, respond that way, think that way. To act and respond and think differently requires a change in habit. That does not come easily.

That’s the easy part: knowing what habits we have to break and new habits we have to cultivate in order to live a virtuous, even a more virtuous life. The hard part is putting those new habits into practice. The good news is that we have done it before. As selfish as we were coming out of the womb, we have become less selfish and more loving. It is only when a habit has become a way of life that we have attained our goal. Even then we have to keep on practicing that virtuous habit.

IT HAS TO BE REAL

The old adage informs us that a picture is worth a thousand words. Whether or not anyone ever calculated how many words it would take to describe what is in a picture is probably beside the point. All any one of us has to do to prove the point is to hold a picture in hand and try to describe exactly what ones sees. Whether that description takes ten words or a thousand words, the point is made.

 A picture, of course, is not real. It is only a depiction of something that is real. There is a difference between seeing a photograph of a sunset than seeing the sunset itself. And while one may use the same words to describe both the picture and the reality, there is still a real difference. For something to be real, it has to be real. It cannot be a description or a picture of something that is real.

This is especially true when it comes to our faith. We can expend thousands of words explaining what it means to be a Christian. I have a few hundred books on my shelves that do just that. Yet none of those books do anything but explain what it means to follow Jesus even if they are loaded with examples of Christianity in practice. While those books give a real explanation of faith in practice, nothing is being practiced.

For our faith to be real, it has to be real. We can talk a good faith. We can preach a good faith. We can give examples, multitudes of them, about how Christians the world over have put their faith into practice. All that is well and good. We all need to understand and even visualize what it means to live a faith-filled life, a life that Jesus commands us to live and one he showed us how to live by his own life.

But no example and no amount of words replaces a real lived faith. Nothing. A real live faith has to be truly alive, a living, breathing life. Our faith demands that we feed the hungry and clothe the naked and visit the sick. We know that. Our faith comes alive, however, only when we actually fed hungry people and clothe those who are without and personally visit those who are alone.

It is wonderful and good and even necessary to have a working knowledge and understanding of what it means to follow Jesus. We need to have a clear picture in our mind, if you will, what all that means and entails. Those words and pictures, while necessary and essential, go only so far; but, in the end, they are inadequate because they do not go far enough. They need to become real, really lived out in our daily lives.

We know all that, certainly. Yet, it seems, we are often convinced that we are good Christian’s, devoted followers of Jesus, simply because we can paint a good picture of what it means to be such. We can explain what it really means to be a Christian without really being one, without actually living as one.

That is not to say that we do not live such a life. It is to say that all too often it is all too easy to talk a good Christianity without actually having to live out a good Christian way of life. Our faith to be real, has to be real and not simply a picture of the real.

FEAR GOD?

A few weeks ago Arlena and I were visiting with her Mom and taking her to lunch. As we drove to the restraint, we passed two men standing on corner holding signs. One read, one word in each line from top to bottom, “Fear God, Repent or Burn” The other sign said something about Jesus Christ being the name of our savior and not a cuss word, as if I needed to know that.

If we had not been on our way to lunch and had not been at an intersection and had I not been driving and thus unable to say anything to the men holding the signs, I would have stopped and asked one simple question of the one telling me to fear God. I would have asked, “What does Jesus say is the greatest commandment?” I assume, biblical expert and teacher of wisdom that he purported to be, he would have answered, “Love God above all else…”

Before he could have finished his sentence, I would have interrupted and said, “Bingo!” and got in my car and driven off. “Love God,” Jesus said and Jesus was only repeating what was/is said in the Old Testament about our relationship to God and neighbor. Scripture tells us that we are to stand in awe of God, but it does not require that we fear God, not in the least.

We are to love God. There is no way in the world that we can love God if we fear God. We cannot love someone we fear. That is an impossibility. Living in fear that we will offend God, frightened that if we die in sin we will burn in hell, is no way to live and not a way of life that God would either demand or expert from us. Perhaps those two sign-holders were out proselytizing because they were repenting of their sins and hoping this God whom they feared would forgive them and save them from the fires of hell. That is only a presumption on my part, however.

The truth is that God loves us unconditionally. God’s love for us does not depend on our returning that love. God certainly hopes that we do in the way we live out our lives. But God will not stop loving is if we do not. As human beings we may cease loving someone who has deliberately hurt us and sometimes, if the truth were told, we do. But God never does and never will.

We do not love God and others because we are afraid of what might happen to us if we do not. We love God because God first loved us. We love our parents because they first loved us. We do what is right not because we are afraid that we will be punished if we do not. Rather we do what is right because we do it out of love, because of God’s love for us, because the love of others for us, because we love.

None of this is to say that we do not do or say that which is unloving and selfish. We all do and we will all continue to do as long as we live. But the more we realize how much God loves us, the less selfish we will be and the more loving we will become. The only thing we need to fear is that we will forget how loved we are. Sadly, I think, that is what those two sign-holders have forgotten.

I AM THE MESSAGE

At the end of Matthew’s Gospel we read of Jesus’ last instructions to his followers before he leaves them for good. After his resurrection he spent some time with them going over one last time the message he wanted them to give to the rest of the world. He wanted to make sure they both understood that message and understood just how they were to convey that message all over the world. Then he left.

The picture Luke paints in his account of this event in the Acts of the Apostles is of this group of followers looking up to the heaves as Jesus ascends from them, mouths wide open, eyes fixed, just standing there. Two men in white robes ask them why they are standing there looking up instead of getting on with the task at hand, namely spreading Jesus’ message. And they did.

Sometimes what we easily miss when we read the Gospels and especially when we read the part where Jesus commands his followers to spread his message far and wide, is that Jesus was speaking not just to those people gathered around him that one last time, but he was and is speaking to us as well. We have the same responsibility, and to no less a degree, to spread that message as did those first followers.

And we are to spread it in the same way they did: by our very lives. Yes, Peter and James and John and all the rest, Paul and Barnabas – all of them – preached the message. They taught what Jesus taught. But the only reason their words did not fall on deaf ears, the only reason they were able to make disciples of those to whom the taught the message in word is that they also lived the message in their daily lives.

The people who heard the message with their ears saw it lived out in the lives of those who were preaching the message. These first disciples remembered how Jesus was constantly taking to task the leaders and teachers of the Jewish people because they did not live out in their own lives what they were teaching the people. His disciples were not to make that same mistake, the mistake of believing that they did not have to practice what they preached. They had to and they did and that is why the made so many converts. There was no other way to teach the message of Jesus.

There never was and there still is not. Those first disciples, in essence, in fact, were the message. They were a living, breathing message. And so we are today, or at least that is what we are supposed to be. I am the message. Each one of us is the message. How well that message is received will depend on how well you and I live that message in our daily lives. That is simply the truth.

Yes, it is true that the truth of the message does not depend on whether or not the messenger is a living example of the message. The Gospel message stands on its own. That does not excuse us from not making every effort we can to be a living message to everyone we meet of who Jesus is and what Jesus still teaches. We will fail every day to live that message fully, but we must never forget that the command to teach the message Jesus gave back then he gives to us today. We are indeed, in word and deed, the message.